Ok Mr. DeMille, I am Ready for my Close up

My 12 year old says to me: Look at all this room! I could get pregnant – but I won’t – and I would STILL have room.

WHAT?!?!?!

She bought new pajamas, women’s size large and way to big for her. Normally she is a size zero. 5’2″ and a size zero with gorgeous long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes with a bubbly personality to match. So joking about getting pregnant is not what I am wanting to hear. I nearly had a heart attack.

I can see it now, dead from a heart attack at 43. No positive female role model for my daughter. Her whole world falls apart. Suddenly she becomes a statistic of teen pregnancy. THOSE JOKES AREN’T FUNNY CHATTERBOX!

Not that long ago she was telling the stupidest Knock Knock jokes ever. I would always drone on with a “whose there” and end with a fake laugh “ha ha”. Then she would ask if it was funny. I would always answer with an emphatic No. Then I would laugh for real.

When she was a little girl of 6, she always said, “no offense mommy, but I don’t like kids. Don’t expect grandkids from me.” I always thought that was adorable. Who knows at the age of 6 what they are going to be when they grow up? I was going to be an artist. She was going to be a STAR.

At Christmas she decided she needed a plan of action. How was she going to be a STAR with a fairly normal family. Chatterbox decided she needs dysfunction in her life so she can play the part of leading lady not leading lady’s best friend or sidekick. Over Christmas dinner we discussed the different ways we could traumatized her so she could be a STAR. Various suggestions came up like parents divorcing, locking her in a closet, forcing her to eat meat ( she is a vegetarian at heart). None of these dysfunctional suggestions appealed to her. Now we don’t know how she will be a Star. She has an audition coming up soon for a play in a theatre company’s theatre season. She has read the script, she will learn her lines and I am sure based on enthusiasm and personality she has a decent shot. We have talked about rejection and how that will feel when it happens. It will happen eventually. Chatterbox doesn’t care because rejection is part of the process. She may or may not be a STAR but it is still her dream and I will help where I can. I will try to be more dysfunctional than usual to speed the process. This may or may not help, we will have to see what the future holds.

After what she told me about her pajamas, I know I am traumatized enough to become a star. I can channel my inner Carol Burnett and be a mighty fine Norma Desmond.

I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille…

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12 thoughts on “Ok Mr. DeMille, I am Ready for my Close up

  1. I think that is absolutely awesome!!! You GO CHATTERBOX!!! We all want to be starts at some or other stage right? Perhaps you should start your own Reality show and put it on YOUTUBE for now!!!! I would watch. Haha.
    “I am sending bucket loads of sunshine and luck her way…..
    From her mom’s Blogging friend,
    my nakedbokkie.”
    xx

  2. I’m with you…tell her this…pregnancy is not an option, but if you really need drama we’ll shave off one of your eyebrows while you are sleeping. That will lead to all kinds of drama!

    Go chatterbox – I mean STAR – go!

  3. I thought I told you! I said it the wrong way! I meant if someone was pregnant they would still fit in there! πŸ˜€

  4. My step sister in Sherwood Park went so far as to go live in Hollywood for 6 months, auditioning for dance schools there. She didn’t get in but now she knows how much harder she will have to work at her dream.

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