Hair Challenged or Glue Challenged?

I have come to the conclusion that I am hair challenged. My brand new hair style is impossible for me to keep up with. I spent countless hours 45 minutes this morning trying to re-create what my Hair Guru did for me on Wednesday. My sister is trying to help me, but I may be one of those hopeless causes.

Hair isn’t the only thing I am challenged at. I have glue issues too. My girl friends can attest to this. I am the gal at the scrapbook table looking for small pieces of paper that I have painstakingly cut out only to lose those tiny pieces that are crucial to my design.  Then, hours later, my friend will glance at my hair and there it is. Stuck with tape or glue to my hair. I kid you not. Maybe it has every thing to do with my hair and nothing at all to do my ability to use glue, tape or a flat iron.

When I was little, I had the worst hair. I mean the WORST hair imaginable on a girl. Followed years later by my sister. Our mother was helpless in the batter of our hair. Those were the days before useful hair product. Hair spray and Brill Cream was available, but seriously…not suitable for the clown hair we sported. I dreamed of long flowing locks of gold that were straight and shiny.  I was blessed with hair that curled in clumps. I could feel it move on my scalp. I was often called a boy. It didn’t help that my name was more popular for boys than girls.

I remember being 5 and arguing with another 5 year old about whether or not I was indeed a girl. To prove it I showed her my undershirt which had a lovely bow fastened on the front. My argument was what boy would wear a bow? That’s right, she had no response. Clearly my brains were too much for her. My argumentative and reasoning skills have always been second to none. Ask my poor mom.

When I was in High School, I remember sitting in front of my mirror learning how to use hair products and irons. I am great at styling 80’s hair. The problem is it is 2011. 80’s just isn’t ok anymore, and who are we kidding, was it every really ok?

I have with me a list of hair product and flat iron tools that my sister insists I need to keep my hair looking like my Hair Guru did it on Wednesday. Apparently this will cost me more money.

Awesome.

Then I think I need to sit in front of my mirror and practice until I have perfected the skill. That doesn’t thrill me. I am 43 not 14. Clearly I need the practice, but golly GEE WHIZ! I need this skill if I am to continue forward with the new me. I have found a jacket that does not look like a colourful circus tent! YAY ME! I found fantastic boots that say – Adult not camp counselor. Now I need the hair. After the hair… jewelry that pulls it together.

I’m getting there, but I need my sister to come over first.

A lot to be said for hats…

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11 thoughts on “Hair Challenged or Glue Challenged?

  1. Hahaha! I feel your pain. The greatest gift that chemo gave me? Hair loss! No need to worry about styling. And you are right – there is MUCH to be said for hats and/or scarves! Very funny post.

  2. Have you ever heard of static electricity? I bet if you wore a grounded wrist-strap like those guys who solder computer stuff use.

    Your hair, being not so straight at any point in your entire life, tends to build up charge. The tiny pieces of paper are charged polar opposite to your hair. Then as you frantically look for the bits you are missing (you know, getting your eyeballs as close to all of the cut bits) the little bits of paper are attracted to your hair.

    The real question is not why your hair picks up little hunks of paper but why Big Reds hair isn’t sucking in stuff from space.

    As a side not, you may want to use hot wax as an adhesive while positioning those little pieces of paper in a precision way. This idea back from the ghostly past.

    AGW

  3. I once worked with a guy who was fond of wearing shirts with bows. Remember in Beverly Hills Cop when Eddie Murphy pretended he was gay? That was my friend Rodney…only he was not pretending. (Nor did he earn $10 million a film, but that’s neither here nor there).

  4. I hadn’t thought of aliens being in control of Big Red, but it makes some sense doesn’t it?

    Of course I assume aliens are generally benign.

    AGW

  5. I’m very lucky that I have pretty easy hair to work with (knock on wood!), But I’ve found that sometimes just trying something new, spending an afternoon playing around, can do wonders. Sometimes you just fall into a cool new style. And, when I get my hair cut, I always play close attention to how the style it (and try to recreate it). I’m sure your hair is just beautiful!
    BUT — just make sure not to play with bangs. You need a professional for that. Trust me on this one. In middle school I decided to cut my own bangs. At first they looked good, and then every time I cut them, I seemed to pull more hair down into my bangs. Suddenly, a fourth of my hair was bangs – massive, heavy bangs that I couldn’t hardly see behind! I should post pictures on the blog sometime. It’s crazy. I think I have a relatively easy time with my hair now as the universe’s way of taking it easy on me after years of crazy bangs 🙂

  6. Hey Ed- did you see my earlier comment about a brazilian treatment. Now i am serious- find out about it. It apparently means that you will not need any of those gadgets- the treatment does it all. Smooth straight beautiful hair, right out of a shower! Go do some googling. If you want i will get more info from my hairdressor and see if you can find it there?
    Mmwaah.

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