Zip Your Lip

Did you every see the Adam Sandler Movie You Don’t Mess with the Zohan? I saw it years ago, and yes I laughed with a guilt that only comes from knowing you are laughing about a cultural difference is wrong on many levels…yet I laughed anyways. For those of you who do not feel the need to rush out and queue it up on Netflix, I will give you the basic premise so my blog today will have a frame of reference for you.

Adam Sandler plays  Zohan, an Israeli Special Forces Soldier who fakes his death so he can re-emerge in New York City as a hair stylist.

Let’s fast forward to yesterday. I was shopping with my Honey and ChatterBox. We were looking for swimsuits, phone chargers, Apple TV, and Coach Bags. Yes I bought my very first Coach Bag, she is beautiful and I love her more than my Offspring $15 boots that were a great find! While we were walking down the mall, we passed a kiosk where a man was holding a tray of salt and offered me some. Now I am never going to turn down a free hand scrub, so I accepted it. Massaging the salt into my hands was a tremendous stress reliever. I look at the fellow who offered it to me and he bluntly asked me, why have you never done anything about your Rosacea? I defended my position and exclaimed I did! I just have redness and not the acne associated with it. My new friend said (in a thick Israeli accent) “No no no no no, you are Scottish, Irish, or English, No? I can tell because those women always came to my salon in Israel looking for treatment and only I could help. I tell you what, I fix your rosacea, you zip your lip about the price, and we have a deal, no? Here, you sit, I be back.”

He had me charmed! I was memorized by his crass humor and his stereotypical behavior. To me, I was talking to Zohan aka Adam Sandler. The resemblance was uncanny! The mannerisms were identical!

He continued on ” Here you sit, you are too tall for me, I cannot reach. You know what they say, everyone is the same size in bed.” He just shrugged as he looked at Chatterbox, looking a tad bit remorseful. So I sat, I was getting a facial! WOOHOO! He went on to explain the importance of serum to repair my cheeks, “Now look, I put this on and boom, already it is better, No?” ChatterBox was all over it! She was WOW what a HUGE difference, while Honey looked and shrugged his shoulders saying he couldn’t tell. Then my new friend pulled out the collagen and put it on half my face Are you kidding me? That was an instant face-lift! Half my face lifted up towards my eyes. ChatterBox replied with a HOLY COW! My new friend then produced a mirror and said this was a “This is a $495 value, but because you are so beautiful, I will give it to you for $295 but zip your lip about the price. Here, take my arm and will walk over here.” I’m a sucker for an elbow being offered to me, so off I went to the cash register with him. He started writing it up and I said, I can’t afford this stuff! It’s too expensive. “Ok ok, here’s what I do for you, I throw in a facial, a $75 value, but you must come to my salon downtown”  Hold on there Tex! I cannot pay $300 for face cream, are you kidding me? “Ok ok, we can see you bought a Coach bag, you like fine things. Let me see what I can do” Off to his calculator he went, he made a LOT of frowny faces, and huffed and puffed, then he said ” Ok ok, I give you my manager’s discount. I only give my mother this discount, but you zip your lip and tell no one the fabulous deal I give. When they tell you how gorgeous you look, you send them to me. I do not want your mother, sister and all your friends to come to me looking for this deal, do we understand each other? $250 and it’s yours, only my mother should see such a deal!” $250! Are you kidding me? No, I cannot afford that. “You drive hard bargain, Ok ok, I sell you this jar for $125, still give you the facial, and then you can buy the serum at the facial if you still want it. That’s my bottom line.”

I looked over at my family, and I am killing myself laughing. There is no way I would spend that much money on face cream! Tiffany boxes – YES! Coach bags – YES! Face Cream? HA! No way Zohan. Mrs. Stadler has the nicest skin in my family, she uses No. 7 from Boots Drug Store. It is $30. I look at Zohan, put the coupon on the counter and give him a firm “No”

“That’s it? No, just like that? No? Really? No?” was what I heard as I walked away.

That was the most fun I had in a long time. He was hilarious. Go see him, just zip your lip about the price.

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14 thoughts on “Zip Your Lip

  1. Bet I could guess which mall you were at! And I can literally hear your laughter as you tell him no – would have laughed right along with you!

  2. I was accosted by a Russian woman in the mall one time who wrapped her arms around me and then tried to sell me this massager thing she was rubbing all over my body. “I give you verrrry good deal,” she purred in my ear, and damn if I wasn’t almost sold. Until she told me it was $75. Umm…no!

    Good for you for walking away. 🙂

  3. I can honestly say then that those guys are all the same!! I felt like I was reading my exact same experince….except it was all about my hands! And it was not a he but a she.
    Apparently I got the products at cost!!
    They must go to a “special school” to learn those selling techniques. I didn’t eve tell my knight- he would have believed me to be a sucker!!! I think I was.
    Xx

  4. Okay aren’t they just fab? They got me at the local mall, but I do have to say that I now hooked on their products. They will be a once a year purchase with my excess change collection! I am so happy I am not the only one! 🙂

  5. Hey I got te same speech as you. I didn’t buy either too perfumy for me and I would probably break out in a rash from it. I’ll stick to my Estee Lauder which is still cheaper than one of those jars he was trying to sell you even with his Mothers discount.
    Would love to see a picture of your Coach Bag though on your blog.
    I’m going to check out the Coach outlet next time I am in Calgary see if I can snafu one then. They also sell Coach at the downtown Bay in Calgary but not here.

    1. Hold the phone! There is a Coach outlet in Calgary?!? Can you say chick road trip? Let’s do it!!!! I think it’s funny that you know the guy I’m talking about!!! EL is great stuff, but I’m loving No.7 🙂

    1. It is a face cream line out of great britan. It has started to work. In the states I found prosacea at walgreens. It works great too! For me the big thing is being consistent with a product. It gets boring lol

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