The Influencer

Dr. Evil
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I have become proficient enough with swimming that I am able to lose myself in thought as I do endless laps. It is not until I hit the 45min mark that I need to come back to focus and concentrate on form so I don’t drown. Ending all this hard work by drowning would really be disappointing for me. Being in the moment and focusing on the swim itself is pretty boring, so I am happy I can let my mind wander. Today’s thoughts had me thinking and reflecting on what Trophi Girl said during my yoga session last night.

The thoughts for connecting body, mind and soul in yesterdays yoga practice we centered around acceptance of change.

When I started this journey, all I knew was I wanted to change things up. I really had no idea what I wanted and where I should start. 8 months later, I have definite ideas about what I want and how I am going to get there. With one exception, I cannot control every thing in the universe. For those of you who know me well, you can understand why I find this so frustrating. Polly said to me the other day, you always get what you want, don’t you? I want to say yes. I know it sounds like I am akin to Dr. Evil, getting what I want and controlling the universe. Reading this, I sound quite selfish. In my last university course I had to analyze my personality type. I discovered I am an Influencer.

Qualities of Influencer Personality Type:  outgoing, charismatic, charming, humorous, spirited energy, talkative with purpose (meaning can easily change the topic of conversation to diffuse a situation or bring about a certain energy – in other words CONTROLLING)

So Polly, do I always get what I want? Um…No. If I did I would be the Emperor of the Universe. It doesn’t say that on my business card. If I think something is reasonable, I will go after it and most likely get it. I will not use all means necessary to achieve something. I try to be respectful, kind and thoughtful. That doesn’t mean I haven’t ever done something horrifying and shameful to achieve a personal goal, because I have and quite frankly, I am not proud of that.

This leaves me with a troubling thought: For a girl like me who loves to control things and get her way, accepting things I cannot change is my biggest challenge to date. Let’s just face facts, it down right pisses me off! Not in an angry way, but there is this feeling in my chest that feels like a broken heart or an aching heart. It is hard to describe. I can clearly see what I want. I cannot force the universe to give it to me. Therefore I must accept what I cannot change. I need to move in a certain direction and let fear of the unknown stay by the side of the road as I move forward. I need to trust things will turn out the way they are meant to be.

I think that is called faith.

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15 thoughts on “The Influencer

  1. You have made some great distinctions between am Emperor and an Influencer. Would you share a link to the resource of those personality-type categories? Last night I was in a discussion about personality-types but with categories labeled by colors. The author was Mary Miscisin. Anyway, I admire your allowing yourself to think while swimming. I do the same thing when I run. Keep up the great work!

  2. I used to think I always got everything I wanted, too. And yet, every night I go to sleep in an empty bed, and every morning I wake up with an empty bank account. Damn you, reality…

  3. Yes, things ARE meant to turn out the way they are supposed to BUT it can’t hurt to nudge and give all you can to help it along – that’s called choice. PS. Because of your success with swimming, I’m seriously considering it now too. You make it sound so do-able and FUN! Now if it can be forgotten while allowing daydreaming??,,, that’s icing!

    1. The problem is making the right choice that will nudge it in the right way! Swimming is not for sissies. I started at only being able to swim for 10 minutes. Perseverance and hard work has brought me to the point I am today. However, I am hurting today. My muscles want me to take a brake so they can rebuild. I am obliging them today 🙂
      FavN, I believe you can do anything you set your mind to as well. There are many similarities between us. Maybe you should think about joining our half marathon posse. It is growing to be quite a celebration of “I can and will”.

      1. Oh I agree, definitely not sissy at all. I’ll never forget the time recently when I ventured in the deep end by accident and had to actually swim….after the panic subsided and old habits kicked in, I caught the edge (and my breath) then realization dawned “what the heck was that!!” For now, I’m setting a 5 minute goal – hopefully it’s achievable to start… THANK YOU!!
        P.S. Isn’t it funny how easy it is to spot those similarities….all good of course!

  4. God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    if I surrender to His Will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life
    and supremely happy with Him
    Forever in the next.
    Amen.

    –Reinhold Niebuhr

  5. Faith is believing in the power that can not be seen.
    And perhaps in his time, we will all have what we want.
    (You may live in Disney world, and I may be married to Enrique).
    Haha.
    On a different note- i so very proud of you! Running, swimming and yoga are ALL not for sissies. (Okay, maybe Yoga is……….*wink, wink*)
    xx

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