The House of Ho

I am the kind of mom who places an importance on honesty of information. Meaning, my offspring know if they need an answer to a question – no matter how awkward the conversation may be – I am the “go-to” gal. I have answered questions from childbirth and masturbation to definitions of words with sexual content. Awkward for those listening in to our conversation but quite normal for me and my offspring.

A few years back, one of the offspring had inquired what a “ho” and what a “ho house” was. Being the awesome, hip and understanding mom I am I gave several definitions of Ho House:

Noun 1. whorehouse - a building where prostitutes are availablewhorehouse– a building where prostitutes are available

building, edifice – a structure that has a roof and walls and stands more or less permanently in one place; “there was a three-story building on the corner”; “it was an imposing edifice”
massage parlor – a place where illicit sex is available under the guise of therapeutic massage

After going into a long and informative explanation, I glaced up at the faces of my children and had to laugh. Theirs eyes were enormous with a slight look of disgust on their face. Genetic Offspirng spoke up and said,

Santa uses a Ho House?

Ummm….NO! Lesson learned, always start the Q&A session with:

Tell me what you think it is.

That way I know what train of thought they are on. Apparently the Offspring had read a sign on a house that read HO HO HO and knew there was something bawdy associated with that term. Yet they also knew that was what Santa always said. Now that they are teenagers, the term House of Ho is a hilarious use of double entendre.

Saturday night, the family piled into a sleigh for a trip down Candy Cane Lane in Edmonton’s west end. My family – extended included, filled the 25 passenger wagon. My dad’s sister organized the entire evening. Her kids were in town and it was great seeing faces that I have only seen on facebook for the past while. I met her grandkids and fell in love with the youngest. We sang every Christmas Carole we knew and sang blablabla for those we didn’t. We were treated to some Queen – brought to us by the Offspring as well as Carole of the bells blablablaed in several parts. It was fantastic!

Then we saw it, half way down the street – there is was. The House of Ho. Across the front of the home was HOHOHO to the left of the door and HOHOHO to the right of the door. My offspring started cracking jokes and laughing – much to the dismay of my Aunt whose grandbabies were sitting behind us. As funny as it was, I had to put a stop to the hilarity and we snickered to ourselves.

We ended the evening at my Aunts home visiting with family, drinking hot chocolate and eating cookies. All the things the Christmas season is made for.

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8 thoughts on “The House of Ho

  1. That’s funny Robyn! Your post reminded me of a story I read a long time ago about a little boy who asked his mom what sex meant. Being the open and honest mom that she was, she began to delve into the “well, when two people love each other” explanation. When her son looked confused, she said “why do you ask?”
    The boy’s answer: “Dad said he’ll be ready for dinner in a few secs.”
    Ya , so good advice you gave – always start with a Q&A session first!
    Thanks for sharing the Christmas slideshow. Just what I needed to get into the spirit of the season.

  2. Ahh… if only Austin had a Candy Cane Lane. We have “trail of lights” in the big park where all the music festivals take place. Last I heard, trail of lights was cancelled due to budget slashing ho’s. I do my best to put lights on the house, even if it’s +15 and there’s no hope for snow. It’s still nice to look at.

  3. Something I have only really noticed down here since spending last Christmas over there is the lack of houses with lights. A kilometre of a suburban road near where I live only has 2 houses with any sort of lights. I guess when (1) it gets dark at 9PM and (2) there are beaches and barbecues to attend to stringing up some lights is bumped down the list.

    However, there is a Christmas tradition here that is made possible by the Southern Hemisphere seasons; Carols by Candlelight. Basically, a family night out in a local park where, well, what it says on the label. There are quite a few opportunities for this in the lead up to Christmas. Christmas Eve has the big versions of this (tens of thousands of people), televised.

  4. I was watching an episode of the British version of The Office once, and let’s just say it’s a bit more risque than what airs in America. There was a scene featuring a dildo, and my daughter – more innocent then – asked what it was. I’m not entirely sure she believed me when I told her it was a rocket, but nothing else was said and I wasn’t about to push the issue!

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