I have been feeling frustrated and caged as of late. I am finding patience as I learn to do less while recovering from a respitory ailment. The lack of Oxygen has been an issue creating barrier. From loading the dishwasher to walking up stairs, breathing is difficult. Then there is the is factor of the summer is half over. I have been in the mist of enjoying 64 Days of Awesome and trying something fun every day. I have 32 days left. Not one part of my summer has gone as planned. Funny how that works out. Making plans and then you are thrown a curveball.
I have been sitting anxiously waiting for my phone to ring and all I hear is crickets… It is enough to suck me back into the dark vortex of depression again. Can’t let that happen. I do believe there is a reason for everything, I just need to let it happen as it may, I’ve done all the work I can. Now I wait and see and keep moving forward with life.
This morning feels like a day I had a very long time ago. My parents left for vacation without me. They went to Jamaica and left me with my Grandma. That summer was hot during the day and raining at night. The air was cool in the morning while we ate breakfast on the patio. My Grandpa engaged me in a conversation about career choices. He said “Robbie, you’re a smart kiddo. Pick something that will use your brains every day so you don’t have to work hard.”
I now understand that he meant physical labour. But as I reflect on what he said, I know there was more to it than those simple words. The trick is finding what you are meant to do, then attacking it with vigor using the brains I was blessed with. It becomes a mental game. Just like last summer when I completed my first half marathon. It was 90% mental and 10% muscle memory. I trained hard, my body knew what to do. If I let the focus of the goal lose power, I wouldn’t have had a hope in finishing. I used my brains to see me through to the finish. The mental power of tenacity and determination. I suspect I will need that mental toughness to get me through another year until I complete my degree. I am nearly there and want to kick it up a notch to complete the task sooner than expected. It has become obvious to me that to advance forward, I need that paper. It’s not just the paper the degree is written on. Apparently I could buy one for $500, according to DGreezRus. That does not teach me about struggle, elevating the level of my performance and facing fear.
I need to find the something people are looking for when filling a position that is entirely foreign to my work experience. Changing a career path halfway through your life is difficult. It is like looking at the brass ring that is just slightly out of reach as you spin round on the merry-go-round. I know I can do it. I know I will be great at it. I know I need to find the person who is willing to give me a chance. I promise I will not disappoint.
It is unfortunate society demands children decide their own career fate. I had no idea at the age of 18 what I wanted to be. I heard people telling me what I should do and what I would be good at. It never really was my passion. 27 years later, I think I have found my passion. It includes writing, planning, communicating and forward thinking. It requires reflection of self and job. It requires structure and deadlines, stress and laughter. It requires me to think before I act and not drift through on autopilot because it is simple and mundane.
Until that moment, I will strive to make it happen and have my everyday become what I envision. I will have my days filled with my passion so I can conquer the mundane.
And talk to Jude Law about narrating my life along the way…
Musings of The Edmonton Tourist 
Robyn,
I have faith that all is going to work out well. I love the picture and the video. And I hope the 2nd half of the 64 days of awesome is just as fun as the first half was! Actually, I hope every day moving forward is awesome. Why stop at 64 days?!
I’m not sure if this will help or not, but whenever I get down I take action in the direction of my goals. And that usually puts me in a much more positive state. Action is also one thing that can help me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I just do the next thing I need to do and that makes me feel better.
I have faith it will work out the way it is suppose to, however, that isn’t always the way I want it to!
64 days are the number of days in my summer vacation. I decided to be intentional about the activities and movements throughout me day. Thus far, I can safely say, I have not wasted a single day! I dream of having a wasted day during the school year, I’m too busy to waste any day!!
I also set goals to move me out of stuck – this time, I cannot force others to take action. Once they do, then I have input. It’s funny how the universe works. I needed distraction to move away from loss and sadness, an opportunity came up to go to a movie. Once happily ensconced in distraction, I received an email I had been hoping for. Then I won tickets to the Edmonton Folkfest. Keeping a positive thought process and putting my intent and needs out “there” always changes outcomes for me.
When I saw that video, I knew it was me. The same with the picture, that’s how I try to live my life. Thanks Greg for the support and the lovely retweet!
🙂
I can relate. Let go of the heaviness and do what you do! You are great, you will become greater and we all love you for working thru your struggles. I totally love the clip. 🙂