News Flash! I just saw a picture of the Ex’s Wife and I feel FABULOUS!

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Have you ever creeped on Facebook to look up people from your past and are relieved that they haven’t adjusted their privacy settings so you can take a peek into their lives today? YOU HAVE SO…don’t lie.

I did it today.

I am very glad I did. Especially after Sunday’s incident.

I have struggled with body image issues forever and a day, largely in part to the men of my past. I know – what the hell was I thinking? Apparently I wasn’t.

The problem with memories, is they tend to be locked in time. So as I age – 45 and fabulous thank you very much – I become hyper aware of my skin, hair and body shape. When the ex and I split, a huge part of it had to do with my body image. It wasn’t his ideal and he let me know. I am one of those curvy girls, I will never be the anorexic super models. Today I learned that embracing who I am is as important as embracing what I look like.

I took a good look at the ex’s wife.

She looks like she could be any mom at the high school. She looks like she might be a friend of mine – maybe… I am fussy and only pick awesome friends.

She looks like she is smart – and neglects her appearance because she relies on her brains. Nothing wrong with that- I am a huge fan of brains. When I say she neglects her appearance, I just mean – she doesn’t focus on it. Nondescript dress, frizzy hair, no makeup, in other words plain.

I realized that I had been holding myself up to an imaginary standard. I pictured someone my ex would choose as tiny, petite drop dead gorgeous gal who had the perfect everything.

Then I saw her.

Lightbulb moment.

The guy is not George Clooney. He isn’t fabulously rich, brilliant or even empathetic. Why would he get a gal like that? Stacey Keibler she isn’t. But I bet she is right for him or what he thinks he deserves.

So why did I think lesser of myself because I wasn’t a supermodel? Good question. Why do women do that?

I can tell you he did talk A LOT about my body. I do know weight disgusted him because of the off colour remarks he would make. So obviously his current girl is rail thin. But she doesn’t have the healthy fitness glow I have. Her arms aren’t toned and I bet she can’t run 10k. My skin has WAY LESS wrinkles because good skin care starts from birth. Thank you ladies of my life who taught me how to take good care of my skin. I should BE so lucky to look like my Grandmother when I am in my 80’s. Her skin is fabulous. I am headed down the right track.

Looking at her picture (the ex’s wife) I also can see the wrinkles she does have are not laugh lines. That is sad. I know from other people she is less than enthusiastic about things that don’t involve her so smiling is sparse and when she does smile, it never reaches her eyes.  That makes me sad for her.

Of course this is all speculation and judgement on my part. I am more than my physical image and she is too.

I just wish it didn’t take me so long to figure that out. It makes me want to punch her husband with some good sense.

Life is a sum of all parts. Not just beauty. That fades.

And apparently, some of us get better with age…like a great wine.

I hope she is happy because that is all that really matters.

 

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13 thoughts on “News Flash! I just saw a picture of the Ex’s Wife and I feel FABULOUS!

  1. First off, let me say that I was out-of-pocket during my house move and subsequent unpacking, along with job searching… I am sorry for this because I missed some important stuff happening with you and I wish I had been around to encourage you and support you. Nonetheless, I am BACK. 🙂

    Second, with regard to Sunday’s incident: I am 1) terribly ashamed of our gender for allowing women like that to walk the earth: they’re a travesty of womankind; 2) so very glad that you spoke out to them and forced them to — at least momentarily — confront their meanness; and 3) quick to remind you — even though you already know — that most of us are encourage and admire the folks who “just do it” even if they don’t look as picture perfect when they do. I live in what is routinely voted the thinnest and fittest town in the US and when I see a less-than-perfect-size-0 running or working out, I silently cheer her on, because she has far more guts to do so than the size-0s do. Me, I stick to the relatively privacy of my basement and the yoga studio. 🙂 But those words hurt, for sure. In fact, I’ve got a post waiting in the wings about them.

    Finally, with regard to people’s “ideals…” Isn’t it fascinating how we fixate on trying to be someone’s ideal? I have another post I was just working on about this very topic. I hope you’ll read it, because I think (per normal) we are traveling similar enlightenment paths. 🙂 You are absolutely, positively someone’s ideal. Just because your ex wasn’t that guy doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. And until he bothers to show his face, you should just keep on enjoying your physical body and all its great attributes and all the wonderful things it allows you to do and experience.

    You are perfect. 🙂

    1. First of all, I am THRILLED you are back. Secondly – Thanks, I think I am terrific too without all that vanity stuff…we need to be proud to toot our own horns. Thirdly – People’s ideals are just perception on our part that are fueled by comments that no one can seem to remember therefore aren’t that important in the first place. Damn I wish I was this smart when I was younger! But every now and then the rejection button comes into play and you think “But what was wrong with me in the first place? Why is she better?” Truth is, she isn’t. He just wasn’t right for me. Welcome back sista friend 🙂

    1. PS I have to totally agree with your post in regard as I got into this hard conversation earlier. I find myself struggling with beauty and image issues too. It is a lonely thing in comparing ourselves. You know, not everything is as it seems. My mission lately has been to look for what is good in people and disregard the judgement of the outside appearance. I feel myself looking more toward what might be going on inside causing the “cover up” on the outside.

      I hope your ex’s wife is happy and not empty and the part where I can giggle in your post is your mad wonderful “facebook stalking” skills….

      Be secure in yourself and love who you are sweet girl because there is only ONE ET!!! xoxo

  2. My body has been something I needed to grow into. When I was younger, there was everything wrong with it: wrong colour, wrong shape, wrong everything. I starved myself and choked my life flat and colourless, and then I met my husband who was the first person to ever love me just for me. It didn’t matter that I was skinny and brown and flat-chested and sucked at not being smart. It mattered to me, but not to him, if that makes any sense. My kids changed my body again, and the way I look at it. It’s perfect, for me. My vision might be fading, as I get older, but I can see a whole hell of a lot better! Cheers to you, lady!

  3. I have often been tempted to spy out who came after me with my first hubby. I know he has had a couple of lady friends since me, but of course none as beautiful, talented or charming as me. (BTW I left him). I would also like to get a closer look at the b—- who moved in on the love of my life (the man I lived with for 4 years between hubby 1 & hubby 2). We had a fight & I went off to sulk for a couple days – when I came back she had virtually moved in. I didn’t get a good look at her as I was slamming my clothes out of drawers & closets. She was the mother of the girl his son was dating & a huge lush (I guess that’s why they’re still together because he was an alcoholic). Her – I’d like to know about.

  4. I can so relate with how your ex was with you. Mine would suggest that I wear some other top so my rolls couldn’t been seen before going to visit his family. When guys at work talk about their women he would try and switch the subject because I was heavier than the weight of the rest of the women. He made sure he told me this. Almost a year broken up now and my self esteem is still broken.

    I haven’t really started to take care of myself. Signed up and paid for bootcamps but never go. Feel like I am not good enough to be there. Hoping to be in your positive mind set one day.

  5. You’re right, we’ve all Facebook stalked at one time or another. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), my ex-wife does not have a Facebook account, so checking in on her online is not possible. But I’ve seen 2nd husband, not to mention met him and talked to him, often enough to know that she traded down for him. That’s not me being conceited, it’s just a simple truth, but hey – more power to them both. Like you said, happiness is all that matters, and she did me a favor by moving on to somebody else, so really I should send her a thank you card or 50.

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