The Friendship Dance

I learned that I don’t have friendships like those on sitcoms. I never had a band of friends at Central Perk, or hung out at the bar like the gang from How I met your mother. I wanted that…the college experience, of chums that you flop on their couch and pour your heart out to. That was never going to be my destiny.

I find as I get older there are friendships that mean more to me than I could ever imagine and friends that I could care less about…and that surprises me.

I had lunch today with an acquaintance who I have always had a certain connection with but because of circumstances, a friendship was not possible because of a conflict of interest in our professional lives. Well… Now that we have moved forward in our careers, it was decided that we both really want to be friends. We made that happen today and it was lovely.

I can count on one hand how many close female friends I have. Actually, on a couple of fingers. But ask me how many close male friends I have and they out number my female friends 3:1.

My new gal pal is the same. There are more male friends than female friends in our lives.

Why is that?

Without meaning to offend the entire female population, I am sure it has to do with how my brain is wired.

I also have learned this year that as I get older, the games females often play tire me out…or more importantly…bore me. I have no time to figure out the she said/she said of social-climbing. So I remove myself from that situation…permanently.

I like men.

I don’t have to worry about gossip or double meanings, men (typically – not always) mean what they say and say what they mean – no drama. That to me is restful.

I went out last week with men – just men. 3 of them who mean the world to me. We went to see John Cleese. It was a profound experience that none of my female friends understood, nor did they want to go. Cleese is a genius, a comedic god in my eyes and his presence on stage had me feeling as if I was in the presence of greatness. Then men I was with, understood that without me having to go into greater detail. They just got it.

People who get me, understand the humor and nonsense of the Fish Slapping Dance – click the image to see the dance. Seriously – Michael Palin’s dancing is marvelous!

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I love it when I am with my women friends and they just get it. It doesn’t happen often. I have 3 female friends who ‘just get me’ – in the same fashion as I ‘get’ Michael Palin and John Cleese.

Perhaps it isn’t a male/female thing. Perhaps it is a friendship thing.

As I age, I know what I want and surround myself with those who connect with me on the same level. I am selfish with my time and will only spend it with those who matter to me. The great thing about being older is the sexual tension of a friendship isn’t there. That alone is restful. Being friends with men because of who they are and what they stand for without the pressure of dating….delicious! It’s like grade 6 all over again! I LOVED the grade 6 boys, they were funny AND fun. The men in my life currently are the same, funny AND fun. Perhaps I have finally figured out what is important.

Friendships should be important, meaningful, fun, funny and safe.

I got rid of those her aren’t those things for me.

On Monday, the big #disneytrail reveal will happen. If you follow my social media feed, you may be wondering about it. It will be amazing and scary and challenging and more importantly, it will include some of my friends. Male and Female, people who make me feel safe, who make me laugh, who tease me incessantly and most of all, get me.

Why did it take me until the age of 46 to figure out this friendship game?

Better late than never.

 

 

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6 thoughts on “The Friendship Dance

  1. Appears as you are figuring things out and that is great. .I agree with most of what you wrote as I myself find my relationship with females acquaintances very complex to say the least.

  2. Wonderful post! The older I get the fewer friends I seem to have. Plenty of acquaintances and work folks but close friends? Nope. I find at times being friends with other women can be exhausting. Men, in general, seem to be more accepting of each other and of women as friends; nonjudgemental which is often hard to find in other women. Ladies, everything is not always a competition. I find hanging out with guys is less stressful – I don’t feel like I’m expected to look a certain way, dress a certain way or act a certain way. I can be myself and that is refreshing after spending many of my 40 years in unsatisfying female friendships because we girls are supposed to hang out with one another. Pfftttt to that.

    Reading your post just strengthened my feeling that you and I need to hang out. I had a wicked mad crush on both Michael Palin and Eric Idle when I was younger and still think they’re two of the funniest men ever to grace us with their talent. See? No competition! 😉

  3. I always wanted friends like those on Seinfeld. The neurotic, jobless loser who would make me feel better about myself just because of his very existence. The pretty, sassy girl who nobody wants to spare a square for. The crazy neighbor across the hall who would always be good for a laugh. Life would never be dull that way.

    I have far more female friends than male. I wouldn’t say the sexual tension ever completely disappears, but it’s not as intense as it would have been ten years ago.

      1. Heh. Oh, how you flatter me. Nah…it’s probably only one-sided, anyway. I’ve just always gotten along better with women. Take a look at my best friends: Tara, Monica, Heidi, Wendy, Amy, and Candace. As for men? Well, there’s Ron, but he’s clear across the globe in Germany…

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