500 Miles for SMA: I have no idea what day it is and other FUBARS

It is some day during this event. Joe told we are half way. I don’t even know what that means.

I get up, make food, get ice, make ice packs, make cold compresses, gather food, load the car, get gas, buy groceries, drive, scout, map routes, drive, check route, check on runner, drive a head, drive back to feed/hydrate/cool down runner, find finish line, go back and tell runner where finish line is, make sure runner is safe, make dinner, tend feet… yep I just said that, stretch out a body that isn’t mine.

Then I shower, and go to bed.

Rinse Lather Repeat.

I have no idea what day it is. My vivoactive won’t tell me what time it is: Dear Garmin, we hare have in BIG FREAKIN CHAT when I get the chance.

Do I regret agreeing to this?

Not a chance.

We have raised – get this – close to $8000 for SMA.

Worth every second.

Things I have learned:

1) My super power is Navigation. I knew I was fluent – but holy hell – I hardly use my GPS. I drive from several towns away. I get there by the running route, come home via the fast way. I don’t know how I do it other than I think about it logically and BOOM. Hello hotel – screw you Pheobe (my GPS unit) I don’t need you anyways!

2) I have a crap ton of transferable skills. I know how to do and fix things that would impress MacGiver.

3) I am always in ‘Teacher’ mode. I went to the Sports Authority today and and they are not Authorities. The Manager and I had a conversation about what I needed. I was specific. I asked for friction free RUNNING socks. I don’t care the brand – I prefer Balega or Wright, but not really caring. He didn’t know what that was. Fine….show me where your running socks are. Scattered everwhere (for the record – crap selection). Fine….I need a pair of Brooks Cascadias in a 11.5 2E. He brought me to the Asics section and told me they were what I was looking for. Dude – Asics are too heavy. They are covered in Gortex – this is a DESERT. they will be too hot. Show me Saucony trails – he showed me cleats. Really? Lets have a chat about shoes okay? A quick little PK (Product Knowledge) session. I need Brooks. My runner runs in Glycerine 13s they are wide in the toe box. He has Fred Flintstone Feet. I need a wide shoe. You telling me a D width will be fine is not fine. I know it is too small because I apparently just schooled you in shoes! Its okay if you don’t have what I am looking for. Tell me you don’t have it or tell me you don’t know what I am talking about. Its okay, I know you are a glorified Sport Check – but HOLY HELL – DO NOT ACCUSE ME OF NOT KNOWING WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. Jerk.

4) I gave up diet coke and I am the crankiest person on the planet because of it. I feel better but DAMMIT addiction is freakin hard! I went to the vending machine, drooled on the glass a bit and bought a lemonade. You suck lemonade.

5) I am impervious to Sunscreen. I apply it everyday – twice a day. My arm is fire-engine red. I wear a long sleeve over my arm that is in the sun. I burn fast and I burn well. I kick ass at sunburns.

6) Apparently 4:00 AM is the best time to think. My brain wakes me up every morning at 4 to think about stuff. I am living the El Camino Trail here in California. I have learned things I never wanted to know. I have cried like a baby. I have been more angry than you could ever imagine. Karmic debt will be paid in full once this is done. Then I will move forward and leave a pile of crap behind. Its cathartic. Its painful.

7) I get irrationally angry at people I don’t know. I am concerned I may shoot my mouth off without thinking properly. Sometimes at 4 in the morning, that is a fantasy I have. Sometimes I  get excited to say these things to people I haven’t met. It will be interesting how it all plays out. Clearly, I wont say anything unless provoked….I am Canadian after all.

8) I am not a magician. I can’t force Joe to eat/sleep/or do stuff I tell him. He is pretty good at doing stuff because he is that tired. He lets me direct him/assist/provide for him. But telling me to make him do something is impossible. I can’t make him do anything. He is bigger than me. Mostly tho, he is super cooperative and a super patient. If he wasn’t, I’d tell his mom. She has become my pal.

9) my car has a special kind of funk living in it. I need to buy Febreez

10) Haggen has the best Grocery Deli I have ever seen in the USA.

11) Joe keeps telling me he couldn’t do this without me. Right back atcha pal. I couldn’t do this without you either. I’d look stupid driving back and forth for no reason. Seriously, we are a kick-ass team.

P.S. Don’t shave the beard – the Hockey Gods heard you and that would bring a decade of bad luck.

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