Robyn Engel, Author

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When I was little I was a story creator. Not a teller, not a writer, a story creator. My imagination conjured up events so amazing they needed to be acted out. Danger Girl was born.

When I was a teacher, I was a story teller. I could conjure up amazing images and have my students mesmerized about bad birthday cats and the trouble they got into. I was a story teller. The Birthday Cat was born.

When I became broken, I created through fibre arts. It helped to heal me but it wasn’t enough. The fibre arts got left behind but filled my home with a multitude of quits. Star Gazer was born.

When I was healing myself I became a writer and wrote long epic tales about my childhood. Then they became a collection of short stories. It was my first book or collection. It sits in my memory stick waiting for me to do something with it. I just might keep them as short stories or turn them into a picture book adventure series. These will wait until I am ready.

When I felt stronger and more sure of who I am, I wrote a book about a woman who might have been me who was married to a man who might have been my ex-husband. It is raw, ugly and angry. I don’t think it is finished. It sits in my memory stick waiting for me to bring it out of its raw state and love it enough to make it a novel. I am not ready yet to give it the love it deserves. So it waits.

When I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, I wrote a story about a women and her mother and their relationship. They explore changing health and deep family ties and a strong love for each other in spite of their differences. It might also be me but it is also other strong women I know. It sits waiting to come alive. The beginning and the end is finished the middle is working its way to complete. It has a life of its own. This one will be great. This one will try to be published. This one is my opus.

Today I finished a story 76 pages long with 38080 words. It needs to be edited and possibly have rewrites. It is raw and emotional and is for my friend who did an amazing thing. I gave it to him to do with what he wants. It might become more and it might not. Either way, I told the story.

I may not be a published author, but I have now written 3 books, 2 are novels and one is a collection of short stories. The fourth book will be along shortly. I think this makes me an author. An author is broadly defined as “the person who originated or gave existence to anything” and whose authorship determines responsibility for what was created. Narrowly defined, an author is the originator of any written work and can also be described as a writer.

I amaze myself. I was never one who finished things or completed goals. I always too frighten to complete anything of meaning. I continue to doubt and sabotage myself in an effort to feel like a failure or something less than my potential. Yet there is something lately that pulls me forward and doesn’t allow me to quit. I have created something more than I ever have before. I have created something that goes deeper for me. I may be a lot of unpleasant things.

But today I am an author.

 

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3 thoughts on “Robyn Engel, Author

  1. I used to attend a church where a prayer would end “in Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of our faith” or something to that regard. Heavy words for a little kid. But I guess we are all the authors of our own stories whether we tell/finish/publish/profit from them. I find great clarity in your writing and always look forward to it. You are certainly an author…write on!

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