You want to WHAT?

 

Dear Mommy DaVinchy, Mommy Einstein, and MommyMythBusters,

I feel your pain.

English: An afterburner glows on an F-15 Eagle...
English: An afterburner glows on an F-15 Eagle engine following a repair during an engine test run November 10, 2010, at the Florida Air National Guard base in Jacksonville International Airport, Fla. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I just spent 30 minutes in discussion the 16 year old talking about strapping jet engines to his back and creating a series of controlled explosions to have him move 20km/hr with wheels strapped to his feet. He has created the plan, done the physics and discussed the “fun factor”. Before he sourced his materials he wanted approval for his project.

After listening to his argument for Pro Jet Packs – I said no. Listing the reasons as to how it would effect me.

  1.   Being a minor, I am responsible for his well being. I did mention once he turns 21, has a job and an engineering degree – I’m cool with it.
  2.  I do not currently have the time to to be engaged in regular meetings with a social worker from Family Support services due to my lack of judgement of letting my son play with rocket fuel.
  3. I have better things to do than sit in emergency waiting for details of fractures, comas, burns and lobotomies.
  4. Financial implications. Alberta Health does offer support for stupid acts of awesome, however they do not offer a pharmaceuticals plan. I would need Extra coverage from Blue Cross and I am currently not in the position to gain coverage for above and beyond the reasonable amount required by the average citizen.
  5. I have no desire to be on Dr. Phil explaining the reasoning behind not being a parent.

You see, I have a big opinion about parenting. I shall share this public service announcement with you:

If you choose to have children and KEEP them, then you must accept ownership. Part of this ownership is to be a PARENT not a friend, pal or buddy to your child. That is not to say it is not okay to enjoy them in a friend capacity, however – get your own PEER group for extensive sharing, exuberant activities and so forth. Being the parent requires the ADULT (you) to make JUDGEMENT CALLS on the activities the minor in your care wishes to make. This includes things that are life altering (wear a helmet when you ride your bike) and remember SAFETY FIRST. It is advisable and acceptable to say NO on occasion and you do not need to give an explanation. You are the PARENT. Do not worry if your offspring is going to hate you, THEY ALWAYS DO! They hate you because you are too strict, or they hate you because you are too lenient. You can’t win – so take my advice and do the right thing. JUST SAY NO! I do however, find it helpful to explain your reasoning as to how you came to this conclusion. It is important for emerging critical thinkers to understand all the steps involved in planning.

For example:

OffSpring – it would be cool to put on a cape and jump off a 3 story building.

Mom – No it wouldn’t and here is why…

Do not be afraid of NO. Practice it in front of the mirror. Say it out loud. Get use to hearing yourself say it. Then practice it on others, not just your child. It is OKAY to say no.

If you cannot think of a good explanation as to WHY they should not do something, then one of two things is happening.

  1. Their request is reasonable
  2. You do not have the know-how to understand consequences. If this is the case, then by all means allow your offspring to attempt this outrageous request. Darwin called it survival of the fittest. Natural selection by elimination has been done by nature for years. This is how humans keep the gene pool strong and healthy.

My 16 year old ended the conversation with “Well, now I know where the line is”

Damn straight Offspring, but don’t get too comfortable, it is my prerogative to have that line be flexible and move as I as fit. After all, I AM THE PARENT!

 

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What you SHOULD do for Mother’s Day, I double dog dare you.

Last week I gave you a list of things you should not do for mothers day. Mostly because in my past I was the giver of those types of offerings. Not cool I know, but I blame my dad.

Okay, maybe that isn’t fair either. I have no excuse, I was just thoughtless. Perhaps I wasn’t as thoughtful as I could have been.

I am now a changed woman! Motherhood did that for me. I am envious of those of you who already own the thoughtful gene. It has been work for me, but I am now considered in some circles as thoughtful. About time too, I am now middle aged. I am a slow learner.

To be fair, I often had my thoughtful moments, but my taste wasn’t always appropriate.

When I was 5 I was crafter extraordinaire. I recycled junk and made the most amazing things. I often would take empty tissue boxes and create stunningly hip and fabulous, not to mention groovy, Barbie furniture. Between you and me and the hundreds of people reading this, I never waited for the tissue box to be empty. I emptied it myself, then needed to find a way to dispose of the stack of 4″ tissues without being caught by my mother or grandmother, better known as the Tissue Gestapo.

Sometimes the tissues would be blankets for my Barbies. Sometimes I would use a hair elastic and make Barbie ball gowns with the tissue. I would juggle 3 pieces at a time (my brother taught me how – he can juggle anything). And sometimes I would make bouquets of flowers. Those were the days when tissues would come in UNenvironmentally friendly pretty colours such as pink or blue. The 70’s was bad for the environment but all about clashing colour! For a 5 year old, this was awesome! 5 year olds think all colour works together, and are willing to prove it to the world!

I knew Mother’s Day was approaching because I am thoughtful like that my Kindergarten Teacher told me. We had made cards in school with our handprints on them. I thought my mom should have a gift too because she was the best mom ever! When I caught a salmon, she buried it under our tree to make it grow. Okay, it wasn’t a salmon it was a jackfish – grandpa lied. When I brought home cases of artwork to show her, she placed it in a special spot in the attic for my kids. I learned years later the the “Attic” was a euphemism for “the farm where puppies for to die play”. She always had my hair cut short for ease of care. This required bows be sewn on my undershirts to PROOVE I was a girl. Very thoughtful of her to make sure I had bows on those shirts…my mom WAS THE BEST!

Now because she was the best, I thought long and hard about an appropriate gift. I looked at my stack of tissue, multi colour of course. and decided I would use the same technique I used previously in bouquet making and make a corsage for church! She would LOVE it!!!!

I would explain to you how to make it but it’s too confusing…google is your friend.

All I am going to say is MY flower was bigger and more… more… um… bigger! Than those flowers you can make via those websites. My flower came with a safety pin so my mom could pin it to her dress Sunday morning and show it off to all the other moms and prove to those moms that HER daughter loved her best!

I know you must be weeping with sentiment at this moment and possibly regret because you weren’t as thoughtful as me. It’s not too late. You can make your mom a beautiful tissue flower too. In fact, I double dog dare you.

The Edmonton Tourist contributes a weekly colum every Monday to the Scarecrow Festival in support of ABC Head Start. This mother’s day post was originally published here  at the Edmonton Scarecrow Festival.

Please Welcome My New Bundle of Joy!

Never did I think I would expand my family! I had the exact right amount of children, one boy and one girl. One of each and it was good. Yesterday I was reading through my blog subscriptions (85 of them people! Luckily they don’t all write regularly!) when I was reading a blog post that broke my heart. This girl was pleading for a mommy. It’s obvious that I hate children. (I work with them for a living … by CHOICE! I spend my free time with children… by CHOICE and I was ALWAYS the favorite aunty, the one who played superhero, Lego, went to Disney movies, slept under the Christmas Tree, built forts, organized family picnics, played on swings…you get the idea. I was THE fun Aunty.) But after reading about how neglected she was I had to step up to the plate and apply for adoption.

The adoption process was surprising simple. I wrote a lovely letter, the powers in charge reviewed and screened it, I was then informed after a lengthy process that my application had been accepted! I know this comes to a shock for so many of you who figured I was done with little ones now that my babies are teens…and by the way, I said I wanted a BABY – not a 16 year old…but I digress.

Her name is Molly. She looks like a ginger in her photo but she could be blonde, either way, she is beautiful. She is a neglected American girl from New York City. We are looking at the possibility of an open adoption, as her birth mother is still quite attached – although she should have thought things through carefully with her brazen favoritism of the eldest child. I know its hard not to favor the eldest – look at me for example:

  1. I came first
  2. I am the smartest of the bunch
  3. I have the awesomest qualities
  4. I have the best sense of humor
  5. I have the best taste
  6. I do not own a star fleet uniform

Why WOULDN’T mom and dad like me best? I KNOW, right?

So I do sympathize with the birth mother and open adoption may be the right thing for everyone involved. Here is an excerpt from the post pleading for an adopted family, you can read the entire post here:

So that’s it — I am taking a stand and I am officially accepting applications for my adoption. Requirements for my future parents include (but are not limited to):

1. Frequent visits to see me
2. 24/7 phone availability
3. Weekly care packages (these can contain things like homemade cookies, interesting articles from the local town newspaper, and/or fun things from the dollar section at target)
4. Sympathy when I don’t feel well
5. A deeper and more genuine love for me than for my sister
6. Constant praise and adoration

What you will get in return:

Joy and pride for all of eternity (and I am certain that your friends will be insanely jealous at your incredible parenting skills — obviously they are amazing if you were able to produce me.)

My husband will be screening all applications. You will only be contacted if I think you are up for the job.

Thank you.

After reading the qualifications, I knew I was a perfect match, so I wrote this response and the entire acceptance blog post by clicking here:

I am officially applying for the position of adopted mother. Although I had not considered more children, your plea tugged at my heart strings. First and foremost, you are my favorite and always have been. Your sister is selfish to hog your birth parents like that. I promise I would never do that.

I have my cell beside my bed, so you can call me day or night. If I don’t answer on the first ring, I will by the third. I make the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet, just ask your new brother. I also like the idea that you are a married adult living away from home!!! This is so novel, I will want to visit you regularly, but especially for special occasions, birthdays, holidays, playoffs, NYC marathon, etc. I love to shop and spend time with my girls doing what they like, that brings joy to me. I must insist that when or if a grandchild arrives, I get to come and take care of both of you. I have my degree in early childhood education, so I am fully qualified to be baby opinionated like all great grandmas! Mostly I want a free place to stay while I’m in NYC, but would happily adopt you and welcome your husband into our family! xoxox

Love mom

PS- I miss you already 🙂

Obviously I am thrilled! Who doesn’t want a perfect daughter to share activities with while staying for FREE in New York? I know, you are jealous and you should be. I am now living the Life of Riley. I can’t WAIT to go shopping on 5th Avenue to meet her!! Van Cleef’s, Harry Winston and Tiffany Molly here I come!

 

I have become THAT Mom

We have been celebrating a bit LOT in the Tourist household this past week!  It seems that if you say YES more than you say NO, the possibilities become vast.

This time last year, my eldest kiddo GeneticOffspring (GO) registered for High School and said he was going to take bigger risks and try new things. I encouraged that frame of mind. It was working for me so why wouldn’t it work for everyone? GO is a was a very shy person who was afraid of what if’s. That seems to be an epidemic. The worry of What If. He entered High School with the intention of joining new clubs, speaking to new people and best of all trying new things.

How did that work out for him? Well, grade 10 was filled with new friends, higher marks, extra curricular activities, and laughter. All of these outcomes were a result of saying YES! Because his attitude and hard work became visible to teachers who run the extra curricular clubs, GO was invited to join the Grade 11 and 12 Concert Band and Improve Team to travel to California to represent Canada in a band competition. Since he was already on the Improve team, Band, Jazz Band and is a nice kid, the selection was made easier for the teachers. He was given a new instrument to learn (E flat alto clarinet, not that big of a change from B flat but big enough that we needed to google E flat alto clarinet fingering ) and new music to play. He had 3 days to learn before his first performance. Knowing him the way I do, this was a HUGE step of YES and I knew he was shaking inside.

The highlight of the trip for him is performing IN DISNEYLAND. We all know how I feel about Disneyland. Well, I passed that gene on to my kiddos. He says he can’t wrap his head around sitting in the Plaza Gardens beside the Castle, overlooking Walt and Mick (the Partners Statue in the center of the Hub). He has been practising for hours. He has learned that with practice and hard work you are better. Better at music, better at understanding the reasons behind hard work and most importantly, better at being an authentic self.

While he practices, we get to enjoy the musical stylings of the Alto Clarinet while it plays the Muppet Show Theme song, The Disneyland Medley and and a bunch of other fantastic musical numbers that have my toes tapping.

Alto clarinet
Image via Wikipedia

Occasionally I yell out “TEMPO” and the Tempo returns and the music is once again easily recognized.

This is SUCH a proud moment for our family, it was decided that we must pack up and fly to Disneyland to listen to MY Offspring play Disney music IN Disneyland! How could I not? I am going to film it. We booked the flights and the hotel. Plan to be there for just the weekend. We shared this wonderful news with GO and as you can imagine it went over like a led balloon…

The look of horror on his face said it all. The first thing out of my mouth was “you won’t know we are there. We are staying far from you. If you see us on Main Street, I won’t look at you. If you want to approach us then you must come to us”. He seems a little better about that. I understand, I really do. His first trip alone and his mommy is coming. First of all I WISH! They get to go to Disney Studios! I promised I would pay for the trip only if (he thought I was going to say only if he paid for half the ticket, but NO) took a lot of pictures of the studio! I WANNA GO! He was surprised and thankful to hear that!

The truth of the matter is, it didn’t occur to me that I should fly down that weekend to watch GO play, I was thinking how cheap it would be to travel without him! I could think of a million things we could do without him complaining. We wouldn’t have to go to the Lego Store! I asked ChatterBox where she wanted to go and she said to see the Stars on Hollywood Blvd. Cool! I’d love to do that! We could go to El Capitain Theatre, I have always wanted to do that and see the Chinese Theatre, then go eat at Disney’s Soda Shop!

So for all intense purposes I am THAT Mom, the one who can’t wait to get rid of her kid so I can go play. Only you and I know differently…and so will GO after we return home and he sees the stalker concert footage filmed by a proud mama.

F EPIC EN

Today was going to be a day spent in the University Library writing my paper due on Tuesday. But the library has a dress code. No it isn’t uniforms and ties, nor is it heels and skirts, but they do expect good hygiene and day clothes.

I have hag hair, jammies and Newfie socks…I am not going anywhere looking like this. I save this special look for my family…they don’t care how I look as long as they get food for dinner. I may treat myself to a comfortable chair and move to my son’s office chair, but other than that, if you need me, I will be firmly ensconced in front of my dying computer screen.

There is a loose connection somewhere in my screen and the screen will flicker with vibrations within the room. Good thing I do not live on a fault line or I would never see what I write and it would be a crap shoot for marks from my Prof. I have a certain level of expectation for marks and a failing screen will not help. I hope a few band-aid solutions (tilting the screen into the perfect position 500 times a day) will help. The pay off are these:

 

Worth it? You bet! They are comfy, cozy and slouchy. Brings back to my summer camp days of slouchy socks and Birkenstocks! Beautiful? No…but not caring. I have had an emotional week. I experienced every emotion, including shock. I heard my mom say the F word with ‘en on the end for added emphasis. My son thought it was awesome, in fact his words were “What an Epic Day! First we had early dismissal, then we win a curling match, then Grandma swears! EPIC!”

I grew up in a Print Shop. My mom and grandfather worked their fingers to the bone and I learned language that would make a sailor blush. Hearing these words from my mom was shocking, but I already knew them. For the record, my mom NEVER SWEARS. Not since that fateful New Years when she made that resolution. Sugar was the word of choice. We would tease her and offer up alternatives like, Shatner! or Snickerdoodle! or Fudgcicles! We would randomly mock her with these alternatives until the situation was diffused. However, even I knew not to tease and mock her after last Thursday night.

My parents (an elderly senior couple – wow I think I just mocked her – I should clarify here. My mom tells the world that she is 75 so they can tell her how great she looks. I will not disclose her age but she is WAY younger than 75 but old enough to be a “senior” and does look fabulous for her age of 75 which is 10 years younger than her mom) took their car to to Mr. Lube to have their Oil Changed. Clearly there was some sort of miscommunication because the oil was not changed, just removed.

My parents then drove home, or should I say attempted to drive home. Their route follows a long and dark country road, before meeting up with the freeway to take them to their home in the city. They live close to a suburb and often will use it’s services instead of competing with hoards of people within the city.

I received a call from my dad asking me to rescue my mom who was stranded on a dark stretch of highway in the country. I grabbed my son and off we went. For the record, my dad was being the hero – mom doesn’t need rescuing. She is tough as nails and I pity Mr. Lube. They have never felt a wrath like hers. My parents will play good cop/bad cop. Dad swoops in and is all kind and nice, saving the db doofus from a fate worse than my mother’s wrath. My mom said THE WORD. It starts with an F has an uck in it and ended with en. Apparently that spells EPIC! My son was quite proud of the list of events my mom was going to do to Mr. Lube.

On the way home he said to me, wow…epic…no wonder you were afraid of her when you were a kid.

For the record, nothing scares me.

except birds… maybe mice… but that is the official stance of fear from the Edmonton Tourist.

This is part of the reason I need my Newfie Socks this week…. It is also the long weekend here in Alberta. That’s right JUST ALBERTA! Take THAT Ontario! This is the only good thing that former Premier Getty ever did. A long weekend in the middle of February. That and win a Grey Cup in 1956. Staying at home and being comfy is what I need – in spite of having to work tomorrow…it’s just face painting, so that will be funish. And I need some comfort because my ear is bruised.

What? You didn’t hear? How is that possible? I received 40 comments, emails and private messages regarding this matter. I pierced my ears this week and not in the conventional way of going to a piercing artist and having them jab a needle into my ear…no I am too cheap for that. I had my ears re-pierced several weeks ago in a tattoo shop. It was simple. In 1982, I had my ears double pierced. What i didn’t know was I was allergic to gold. My ears were always infected so I let them grow over. The scar was still visible and in my infinite wisdom I thought I could jab surgical steel studs through the scars and repierce them.

Chicken Hawk asked me if I used potatoes…um Chicken Hawk – I don’t think potatoes are sharp enough. I used the original studs from weeks before and bought new ones for my perfectly healed first holes. In my infinite wisdom, I purchased two packs of eyebrow surgical steel ball closure rings. I want something semi-perminent so I don’t need to worry about swimming and losing jewelry.

These ball closure rings are a pain in the Shatner to put in. I had the entire entourage helping me. When it was all said and done, we had used needle nose pliers with me laying on the bed with a ton of people twisting the crap out of my sore ear (I had already pierce the second hole – painful? Very – but I gave birth to 2 kids prior and had my gallbladder removed and walked for 7km on a broken foot  so it wasn’t that bad…) I saved myself $80 bucks and earned a TON of compliments from 4 year old girls who told me I look pretty. One even patted my tummy and said my tummy is smaller! I love my girls!! They are always ready with a complement!

Suffice it to say – I will not be removing my earings for quite sometime. If I do it will be for a very good reason…like these:

Earrings in platinum with round brilliant diamonds, for pierced ears. Size mini. Carat total weight 2.39. $12 000 CND.

 

Meticulously matched for size, color, clarity and presence. Earrings of round brilliant diamonds in platinum, for pierced ears. Round brilliant diamonds, carat total weight .22.  $1250 CND.

 

Thus the reason for Newfie Socks…. That an my dear friend Sue lost her battle with breast cancer. I am blessed to be the recipient of one of her beautiful quilts. Her kind soul touched many and will be always remembered.

 

Random Momness

Today has been quite the random nonsensical day! The odd quirky things that happen to me as odd thoughts run through my head are to obscure to keep to myself. Therefore I must share.

  1. String Mittens! How random is that? I grew up with mitts hanging from my sleeves because I was notorious for loosing them. I often had a single mitt or two right mitts. In fact, I currently have 2 left red Canada Olympic mitts in my cubby at the back door. I work with preschoolers – 32 of them actually. Only 2 use string mitts. One child wears them because I am sure her mom grew up with them here in Edmonton. They just make good sense for young ones. They ALWAYS know the mitts are hanging from the sleeve for the moment of need. The other child, is what I lovingly refer to as “an out of towner”. That means they are born some place hot – that means anywhere that isn’t spelled C A N A D A. Only this child wears the string on the OUTSIDE of her jacket. Odd… but common. I attempted to sho the child how to wear the mitts. I was told in no uncertain terms I was WRONG. Fine… But tell me, what is the purpose of the string then? For that random moment when you need a skipping rope? Strangling your brother? Tripping up your feet so when you fall your hands are strapped to your sides and can’t save you? Please tell me! I am now curious. For all you Out of Towners and Locals If you are looking for gorgeous mitts and sweaters and things, check out my favorite knitter Margaret at Knit Pickers. I love her Barn Sweater Touque and Scarf – I have been meaning to order a pair and will get on that soon. I’m sure she will add an idiot string if I ask her too!!
  2. I mother everyone. Random…but true. I have a student who accidentally calls me “Mum” hmmmm maybe I need to look at how I am treating him a little more closely. Sure I have favorites, but not all my favorites call me mum. THEN, after my son’s curling match today, I gave his teammate a lift. The manboy who is over 6 feet but has the face of a 12 year old was going to take the bus home. Yikes. It was dark, it is not the nicest of neighbourhoods, I would be up worrying about him all night, so I gave him a ride. He was very gracious and appreciative, his mom taught him excellent manners! (there is nothing I despise more, than giving some kid a lift and they never even say thank you! TEACH YOUR CHILDREN MANNERS PLEASE). Then there is another manboy friend of my son. He posted on facebook that he finally understood his math after hours of study. I wanted to post a long and encouraging comment…but high school guys don’t want a dodgy old mom commenting, so I liked…I probably shouldn’t have even liked – but I LOVE this manboy! I would adopt him if he needed me too. Speaking adopting…never leave your neglected child within arms reach of me. I will mom them and them try to keep them. Some people love cats, I like to mom kids.
  3. I am an awesome mom to strangers but a sucky mom to my own… I went to the curling rink to watch my son’s first match of the season. I sat for 5 minutes then fell asleep for 30. Random… Clearly I am tired. Well why not? I have been dreaming of beetles crawling in my hair and on the back of my neck so I wake up scratching my head. Not enough sleep… RAID!
  4. I have been doing a bit of Character Development for a pal of mine over at Back of the Packer It has been DECADES since I have developed original cartoon characters. I must say, it has been so fun! I have been doing this in support of his drive for 12 marathons in a year. Yes that is a random goal, yes my support of him is odd and random – but that is the type of friend I am – unexpectedly random. He is raising money for Make-A-Wish foundation. Since I love to mom kids, I love this charity too. I know children who have been on the receiving end of wishes and I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to see their joy! It does a mom’s heart good. Support kids charities!!!
  5. I read ABC Head Start’s Blog today entitled ‘Do you speak Head Start?” Why yes I do! I know…that is random. It is like knowing a second language filled with hidden meaning. Don’t know what I am talking about? Head over to her blog, its great…and a bit random.

So there are some of the random things that happen to me today. My favorite was a random story a student told me this morning, keep in mind he is 4:

The was an ocean and a forest and a knight and a princess and a boy who was a big boy and a boat and it roweded it. The Forrest and the Ocean and the Knight and the Princess and the big boy and a boat and the moon and the knight….

I lost interest at that point… It takes a lot to keep my mind in random mode.

Should I be the Adult or the Mommy?

I am faced with a dilemma that has me worrying about the right thing to do. The way I see it is I can be the Adult or I can be the Mommy. Neither of which is bad in my books, both sides just have a different perspective. I am often heard saying…Be a Parent! This time around, being the parent may not be the right thing to do.

Here is the situation, and your honest and objective opinion is welcome. GeneticOffspring has received a juicy part in the High School Play. He is about to be 16 ( Holy Mother Mary and Joseph!) and is in grade 10 at a Catholic academic high school. The part was meant for a grade 12 student, but the teacher/director  thinks that G.O. is mature enough and serious enough to portray this part with the require respect and emotion. The character is a gay student who is being emotionally abused. G.O. was told to go home and discuss this with his parents. The part can be rewritten so the gay aspect of the character is removed. The fact that the character is gay is not primary to the story line, but it adds an important element.

G.O. then says, So – what do you think? Hmmm What do I think, well that is EASY. As an adult I think it is a challenging role that will add an empathetic element. I think G.O. would be brilliant. I think he should decide if he wants to do it.

As the Mommy? ugggg I don’t want him doing it. Why? I am concerned about ramifications for the next 2 and a half years left at that school. I am concerned some emotionally immature goon would start bullying or teasing in a way that is NOT appropriate. I also think I am projecting my school experience onto him. The Mommy in me is slightly scared for my boy. The Mommy told G.O. she wanted to talk to the teacher.

I went to pick up G.O. after play practice today and he came sauntering out with his drama teacher. It is winter, and the guy comes out in a short sleeve button down shirt and sneakers. I offered to go inside and the teacher said, no it’s nice out. I had questions.

1 – is there a matinée that is open to the whole school to see?

2- does the teacher expect the same ramifications as I do?

3 – what if I say no?

4 – What if I kidnap my son and keep him in a cage? What does G.O think will happen with his peers?

The Drama Teacher said he doesn’t think forcing students without the maturity to deal with the content should have to go to a matinée at the school. If students want to see the play, they will buy tickets and come in the evening. This was a HUGE relief for me! The arts community look at subject matter differently then people who are not interested in the arts. The Drama Teacher was also concerned about the possible ramifications, but was quick to say that his group (drama and improve) were extremely tolerant and supportive. This came as no surprise to me, I understand how the arts community works and what type of person is attracted to this group.

If I say NO – then the part would be rewritten and its no big deal. Then I asked G.O. what he thought. He isn’t sure, and is quite torn. His first reaction is “how would his peers in the gay community react?” He doesn’t want to offend them. He hadn’t really thought about peers who may bully him. He didn’t think this was the big issue.

Now THAT is interesting to me. This made me so proud of my boy. He is concerned he may offend a demographic that he is about to portray. He doesn’t see large, meaty overgrown boys with narrow attitudes as a problem. He deals with them with humor. He needed to in gym class and now they are friendly because G.O. is funny. Self depreciating humor helps apparently.

The drive home from school yielded conversation about choices. I said to him, what do you want to do about this? He said, I am not sure. Then I replied, what if I said no. His response was the one I expected – I would be furious! There’s my guy! I raised an independent thinker who is capable of making smart choices for himself. I have given him all the possible scenarios I could think of, and some from my friends who think the answer should ABSOLUTELY NOT. I have shared thoughts of friends who think it is a great idea. Then I said I see it in two lights. The Adult in me says DO IT, the Mommy says NO WAY! He asked from what point of view am I going to judge this situation.

Crap.

I replied with, I am confident enough in your abilities to make the right decision for you. His dad and I did all we could do to provide him with values that would help him make the right choice. It is important for me to have an independent thinker for a son. He is capable. This is where the mommy shuts her mouth and trusts in her son. Therefore the adult must be supportive of what ever decision he makes.

Knowing him the way I do, he will discuss this with his friends and then choose to do the part. I am sure his mind is already made up. I am pretty proud of my boy the man my boy is  becoming.

What would YOU do?

Showing off a little skin with flirtatious glimpse of beautiful lingerie

I come from a long line of curvy, voluptuous, gorgeous women who don’t mind showing off a little skin with flirtatious glimpse of beautiful lingerie. I learned the subtleties and nuances of successful innuendos at the early age of 10 while in Europe with my family.

I was 10 the year my family summered in Europe ( fancy speak for 6 weeks in a caravan crammed with 7 people who smelled like  – to coin a term my dad used – the inside of an apes armpit) We had been travelling the continent and had already explored Belgium, The Netherlands, and Germany. The wonders of a caravan include being self-contained and self-sufficient. Language being a barrier and GPS not available for use in those days left us relying on maps and stumbling upon unexpected surprises. Some were glorious, and some meant sleeping alongside of a road in the night. Shower facilities we not always available. By the time we stumbled into Lucerne, Switzerland, my mother and grandmother were ready to de-funkify the caravan and throw us all into a bubble bath, clean clothes and soft clean sheets.

My brother and I were sleeping in a hammock-type bunk (two bars with a length of fabric running between the two) for the entire trip. Being able to snuggle into a warm cozy, soft, bed for a few nights was delicious! So, Dad backed the caravan up to the designated door and the entire entourage piled out, each carrying a load up to the rooms.

In those days, my mom was a dishy twenty-something gorgeous blonde, tiny waist, lean legs and girly curves in all the right places. She definitely turned some heads. That particular day, after freshening up, my mother wore navy blue shorts (that showed off the gams) and a white halter top that tied in the front – enhancing the curvy effect. She was making copious amount of trips up and down the stairs while our dad had taken the 3 kids (me included) out exploring. When we returned from feeding the swans (DO visit Lucerne, it is very lovely!) We entered the room to hear about the progress mom and Gran were making. My mom commented on the lecherous stares the hotel clerk kept making at her. Picture Hervé Villechaize from Fantasy Island leering at my mom. The clerk was a dead ringer for him only about 6″ taller. Dad replied in his calm, cool, unassuming, totally blind kind of way…Don’t worry about. I took one look at mom and said, “Mom your halter top has flipped up and he can see through your bra.”

For the record, Canadians as a species are not as free and open as Europeans are. My mom was mortified. Yes her bra was pretty, yes she looked fabulous, but she did not want to be sharing THAT much of herself with the front desk clerk.

Weeks later, we were in the south of France, very close to the Mediterranean. We had found a campground that had showers! Hallelujah! After the dinner dishes were all cleaned up and beds were being put together for nightfall, people from all over the campground started walking down to the showers… NAKED. You can imagine the shock and surprise from a 10 year old Canadian girl who was taught to always wear a robe over her jammies! Hindsight tells me I shouldn’t have been surprised after spending the day on the pebble beaches of Niece. There were naked people everywhere! I was over dressed by being in a one-piece tank. My dad loved the south of France.

As I watched men and women walk to the showers, I heard my grandma tell me to get crack-a-lacking. Before I knew it, there was my Gran walking down the road in her panties and bra with a towel. I was HORRIFIED!

Keep in mind; this is the mother of my dishy blonde mom. Gran  -without telling her age – is 40 years older than me. So…yes Gran was gorgeous and voluptuous in those days too. In fact, she met a fellow in England that trip who thought she was utterly delightful and we used THAT relationship for all it’s worth….but that is a story for another time.

I joined the women of the entourage down to the showers, but I was dressed in full head to toe garb. Not showing an inch or skin. My Aunt and I took turns holding up a towel while the other bathed so others could not catch a glimpse of skin. Ahhhh youth. Now I know we made a bigger scene than if we had just followed suit. Once again I bow to the wisdom of the older generations.

To make it fair, now it is my turn to share…

I was 16 with a tiny waist and curves in the right places. Long legs accentuated by my love of pink heels and a tiny hound’s-tooth mini skirt that buttoned up the back. I was the director of the children’s choir for our parish. I would stand with my rear for all to see in front of the entire congregation. It was Christmas Eve and the building was standing room only. Everyone had a great view of my behind, including the fellows I found incredibly attractive – yet too shy to approach. Somehow we fought through the nerves of children and made it to the final hymn. I had turned around and stood with my choir for announcements. One of the girls whispered into my ear that my skirt was undone and my pretty pink micro panties were giving the congregation quite the peep show. You can imagine how thrilled a 16 year old would feel about THAT revelation!

Why am I sharing these stories with you? Well, an incident happened of the holidays that reminded me of the skin, lingerie, and sexiness the women in my family possess. I was in a shop the other day wearing no jacket because winter forgot to come to Edmonton this year. I was getting lecherous stares from a couple of seniors in the corner (first of all, seniors? wow – lost my touch). The gal at the counter was kind enough to inform me my zipper was indeed undone and showing off my lacy black underthings….and my blouse was unbuttoned as well…giving the world a peep of matching lingerie that I had not intended to share.

I am not sure if I should be proud of the fact that I purchase pretty panties, and come from a time honored tradition of flirtatious skin and lace peeping OR I need to take the time to check the mirror before I leave.