Good New! I am not dead! The typical foreboding nature of my winning streak didn’t kill me. How do I know? Quite frankly there are lots of reasons. My legs hurt for one. I would hope when I am dead, I wouldn’t feel pain. I have started back training for my next half marathon and my legs are a little cranky after today’s session. It is almost time for new shoes, but I am going to wait a couple of more weeks before I buy new ones. I also checked my pulse…it was beating, clearly not dead. That is a good sign after working out.
I thought I would make a handy little pocket guide to know if you are dead or not. So here it is:
The Edmonton Tourist’s Top 11 Ways to Tell You are not Dead
- You don’t crave brains – or so I am told. Then you would be a Zombie… but Zombies aren’t dead – they are UNdead. I am not sure how that works and now I am confused.
- I BBQed on my deck last night. I made burgers. Yes it was dark. Yes it was cool (cold by non Edmontonian standards). I knew I wasn’t dead because my feet got cold. I was out there in my bare feet. Clearly not dead! However, excellent way to induce hyperthermia and cause death.
- I followed a pair of very nice calfs around the track yesterday… Clearly I am not dead. Great motivation too.
- I saw a fetus doll yesterday for the first time. I was GOBSMACKED. I had no idea what to say. Obviously I have seen everything now and can die, therefore I am not dead yet.
- The Time Capsule Con Smythe buried at Maple Leaf Gardens in 1931 was opened yesterday. As usual, the Toronto papers hyped it up because they are the center of the universe. After opening it…just lame stuff and a white elephant. Very disappointing yet predictable. Unlike Vegas, if it happens in Toronto – Then everyone hears about it. Had it been exciting news coming from Toronto, then I would have had a heart attack and died. I still have a pulse…I just checked.
- It is the decade of sequels. Ferris Buller 2 is coming out…I can’t be dead!
- On that note…Star Trek 2 is coming out this summer too… I can be dead AFTER watching Chris Pine
- I suppose those last two don’t really qualify to tell if you are dead. This one will – The only fictional man to make me swoon just thinking about reading about him again… Mr. Darcy – ya you know what I mean <wink wink> I don’t think there is swooning once you are dead…I hope I am wrong about this one.
- I still want chocolate and a diet coke everyday – not dead… Now I’m wishing I were…
- The Edmonton Oilers are STILL rebuilding since 1991. If I was dead, we would be Stanley Cup Champions again.
- Finally, George Eliot said “It is never too late to be what you might have been” I am not there yet…so I can’t possibly be dead yet. There you have it…
- Maple Leaf Gardens 1931 time capsule unveiled, revealing mysterious ivory elephant (vancouversun.com)
- How To Build A Zombie (doingthewritething.wordpress.com)