See Ninja Run

com.tgb.mj250beebdbe3e43_spApparently it is cold right now in North America. Everyone seems to be complaining about colder than normal – what ever that is – temperatures. That is not the case here in Edmonton. It’s cold but be haven’t had a deep freeze that was -30C or colder for a week or more, not that I am complaining! There is a ton of snow and the weather guy says ambiguous things like Snow tapering to Flurries. Oooooooooookaaaaaay. Translation? 5″ of snow by Thursday. Even I have taken a turn shoveling the driveway and I never do. It was always in the back of my mind that it was ‘boy’ work. But truth be told, I was never fit enough.

Until this year.

I have been in training for some runs coming up this summer. I was always a walker and a swimmer, but I have learned running is very different. In some ways it’s easier than walking. A) it’s over quicker and B) it isn’t as painful for my MCL  – weird but my coach told me that is not unusual.

Running has made me stronger. Abs, legs and back all benefit from just running, but the extra stuff I do helps too! How do I know this?

I dropped my eldest of for his Final exam today at his High School. I parked the car, and decided to run in that neighborhood. It is more sheltered than the open fields of my usual trails and the wind is wicked today with windchills reaching -20C. After last week’s Flash Freeze I have been cautious about slipping on the ice. Sure I run with YakTraxRun, a spike and spring combination for my shoes, but with ice-rinks on the roads and sidewalks, I still find myself slipping a bit.

I did a drive through of the neighborhood first so I wouldn’t get lost. I hadn’t explored this place since my grandparents lived here when I was a kid. Good plan too, I got lost. But once I tuned into my Ninja sense of direction it wasn’t a problem.

I ran mostly on the road because there was a good solid snow pack that had my cleats digging in. I was solid. Then came the final half block. This half block was on a major bus route so running on the road was not an option. My foot found ice under the snow, not once but four times! The first time it caught my off guard and I fell. I fell in a weird  Ninja-like way – it was like a plank or a push up. Not a problem, I do those every day. I didn’t hit the sidewalk except for my hands. The next 3 times I slipped I had it under control. I am now fit enough to use muscles to prevent myself from going over! YAY! Ninja Inner thigh magic held me upright. I think I will pay for it tomorrow, but today I am loving my new found strength! Obviously my Ninja skills are paying off.

Not only do I run in Ninja black, I have the skills to terrify the average pedestrian with my Ninja runner moves. Eventually I will be Ninja fast, you will only think you saw something as I run by. But that is a goal for this summer.

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I have a fitness and lifestyle blog here if you wish to take a gander at it. It is running and nutrition reports that keep me on task. You can find the link here.

The Tale of the Ninja Attack

 

You heard correctly, I was ambushed by a ninja – yet live to tell the tale. I was lounging on my deck reading something intellectually stimulating like Diane Chamberlain, when the sky began to darken  and my eReader started to get wet. I felt extreme disappointment because this time was specifically put aside for reading outside. Little did I know, it was all part of the plan.

 

A few days before, Edmonton suffered through an incredible storm that brought hail that resembled a snow storm and rain drops that were 2cm in diameter. My furniture had just completely dried and I was not willing to allow my sofa cushions to relive a torrential downpour twice in one week. So I began the unpleasant task of bringing the cushions into my living room when I was attacked.

 

I am positive it was a ninja attack because it came out of no where. I nearly completed my job when it happened. I was walking through my wooden screen door. You know the kind, they squeak when you open it, it doesn’t stay open by itself because of the big spring on it and it makes a loud smack as it shuts. At this point it all becomes a blur because it happened so fast.

 

I remember being hit in the face with something sharp and all I could see was the red cushion coming at me in an attempt to smother my screams.

étoile ninja = shaken Español: Los shuriken o ...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As quickly as it happened, it ended. I heard no one. I saw no one. Yet I KNOW someone just tried to kill me. My own stealthy moves had me on high alert. I practice Ninja Yoga with some regularity so I am confident in my stealth skills. With lightning agility, I quickly moved into the living room before the monsoon hit. I assessed the damage and scanned the room for a witness of a predator. I found neither.

 

I let my fingers scan the flesh on my face and discovered a slight scratch. Nothing serious, I had experienced greater boughts of pain before, I could easily let this slide.

 

The rain ended as quickly as it began and I moved the cushions back out to the deck and resumed my reading. What is odd about this situation is every day since the scratch on my face has become a deeper red – it is as if I had been poisoned by a Hira-Shuriken – for those of you not familiar with ninja lingo, you civilians refer to it as a “Ninja Star” or “Throwing Star”. Enemies will often lace their hira-shuriken with poison or other bacteria that would cause an infection that could lead to death.

 

I am stealthy enough to have had the Hira-Shuriken miss my eyes, yet I was unable to avoid complete collision because let’s be honest here, I am not a professional ninja, I am just a ninja enthusiast. I use those skills to enhance my superhero capabilities. I am not perfect.

 

The result is this:

 

See how it narrowly missed my eye? That is all because of skill on my part that I did not go blind.

 

 

The real problem is, I am tired of telling people I was attacked by a Ninja. Everyone is always asking me what happened. So I’ve started saying “pillow fight” for several reasons:

 

  1. I need to keep my superpowers on the down-low for obvious reasons. I need to be able to take on an opponent and take them by surprise. The ninja incident was a good reminder of that.
  2. Being a Superhero is a VOLUNTEER position people! I can’t have it get out to too many people or I will never earn a paycheck. Only the lucky superheros get on with big government agencies. The rest of us do it out of love – but love don’t pay the rent!
  3. The more my name becomes recognizable, the more famous I become and therefore my children, family and friends will become targets. They always hurt the ones you love the most.

Meanwhile, I need to find an antidote or by a tube of polysporin. No mom I did not go to the doctor and yes my shots are up to date, you don’t need to call. The time for resting is over – we must be vigilant.

 

The good news? I am going to have a kick-ass scar – eat your heart out Black Widow.

 

 

 

I Practice Ninja Yoga Because I am Awesome Like That

I suffered from an extensive brain injury yesterday. Okay, so I am exaggerating a smidge. I had a MAJOR concussion… okay that may be a falsehood. I clunked noggans with a student during Ninja Yoga and went home because I was feeling foggy, sick and tired.

For those of you who are Doctors, you know this is a sign of a concussion. I was forced to call Healthlink Alberta and talk to a nurse. She agreed with me and told me to treat it at home. Every 30 minutes someone needed to wake me up and ask me who I was. My answer “Robyn Clooney” right? Please say I am right!!! Although if they called me a liar and said NO, you are Robyn Tatum – I’d be okay with that too.

Turns out I am fine with just a MASSIVE purple welt on my head. It has me rethinking my Ninja Yoga practices though…

What My Head Feels like

What my head really feels like.

Obviously it is hideaous! I used a Tigger Ice Pack to keep the swelling down. It is purple and red. The picture does not do it justice. Feel free to send care packages. I like Blue ones with White Bows…just saying

You all know I work with preschoolers (okay, NOW you all know I do – HEY new subscribers!! Welcome to Tourist Adventures 🙂 I plan with a Team of experts to teach these little marvels everything that will prepare them for life. Ninja Yoga is an important life skill. It is my job this week to practice it with them during transition.  Transition is the time 4 year olds get into trouble because they are UNFOCUSED or BORED. This instance is between the bathroom break and snack time.

Regular Yoga is serious yoga and is practiced during circle time. Ninja Yoga is the fun time to chill with Miss Robyn while we wait for slowpokes to finish washing their hands. Ninjas are quiet and sneaky JUST like I want my kiddos to be while we are waiting. I have a little dude with a pumpkin head who is just a tad hyper, yet Ninja Pose is his favorite – go figure… Forward Fold and Warrior Pose have been adapted to be Ninja 1 and Ninja 2 pose. I was calmly forward folding 1 when pumpkin head dude does Ninja 2. Our heads collide and I am render near unconscious while the little dude is perfectly FINE! Clearly kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

This is how I think I look during Ninja Yoga

This is how I really look during after Ninja Yoga

I was stunned – literally. I saw stars and held onto the door frame for support. The kids achieved Ninja status for the room was silent.   Tiny tears leaked down my cheeks and I could not speak. OBVIOUSLY there was something wrong because Chatterbox got her gift for gab from SOMEONE. As the day wore on, I became increasingly nauseous and sleepy. I was pale too – another sign there is something wrong. I have a rosy complexion ALWAYS!

Will this prevent me from future Ninja Yoga sessions? NO are you kidding me? Who else will teach those kids how to stealth walk? Who would then show them how to Ninja kick and pounce? I have to keep doing it!! Think of the children!! This is just one of the services to mankind that I provide. My mission? Teaching kids survival skills one life lesson at a time.