“Greatness” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been feeling frustrated and caged as of late. I am finding patience as I learn to do less while recovering from a respitory ailment. The lack of Oxygen has been an issue creating barrier. From loading the dishwasher to walking up stairs, breathing is difficult. Then there is the is factor of the summer is half over. I have been in the mist of enjoying 64 Days of Awesome and trying something fun every day. I have 32 days left. Not one part of my summer has gone as planned. Funny how that works out. Making plans and then you are thrown a curveball.

I have been sitting anxiously waiting for my phone to ring and all I hear is crickets… It is enough to suck me back into the dark vortex of depression again. Can’t let that happen. I do believe there is a reason for everything, I just need to let it happen as it may, I’ve done all the work I can. Now I wait and see and keep moving forward with life.

This morning feels like a day I had a very long time ago. My parents left for vacation without me. They went to Jamaica and left me with my Grandma. That summer was hot during the day and raining at night. The air was cool in the morning while we ate breakfast on the patio. My Grandpa engaged me in a conversation about career choices. He said “Robbie, you’re a smart kiddo. Pick something that will use your brains every day so you don’t have to work hard.”

I now understand that he meant physical labour. But as I reflect on what he said, I know there was more to it than those simple words. The trick is finding what you are meant to do, then attacking it with vigor using the brains I was blessed with. It becomes a mental game. Just like last summer when I completed my first half marathon. It was 90% mental and 10% muscle memory. I trained hard, my body knew what to do. If I let the focus of the goal lose power, I wouldn’t have had a hope in finishing. I used my brains to see me through to the finish. The mental power of tenacity and determination. I suspect I will need that mental toughness to get me through another year until I complete my degree. I am nearly there and want to kick it up a notch to complete the task sooner than expected. It has become obvious to me that to advance forward, I need that paper. It’s not just the paper the degree is written on. Apparently I could buy one for $500, according to DGreezRus. That does not teach me about struggle, elevating the level of my performance and facing fear.

I need to find the something people are looking for when filling a position that is entirely foreign to my work experience. Changing a career path halfway through your life is difficult. It is like looking at the brass ring that is just slightly out of reach as you spin round on the merry-go-round. I know I can do it. I know I will be great at it. I know I need to find the person who is willing to give me a chance. I promise I will not disappoint.

It is unfortunate society demands children decide their own career fate. I had no idea at the age of 18 what I wanted to be. I heard people telling me what I should do and what I would be good at. It never really was my passion. 27 years later, I think I have found my passion. It includes writing, planning, communicating and forward thinking. It requires reflection of self and job. It requires structure and deadlines, stress and laughter. It requires me to think before I act and not drift through on autopilot because it is simple and mundane.

Until that moment, I will strive to make it happen and have my everyday become what I envision. I will have my days filled with my passion so I can conquer the mundane.

And talk to Jude Law about narrating my life along the way…

The Fear and Passion I faced to become a Hero…True Story

I gazed into the face of fear tonight and screamed like a little girl.

I was petrified, my heart raced and I lost all words. All you could see was me pointing my finger and shaking…

My parents invited my family to go and watch the Passion (a musical version – and no it wasn’t Jesus Christ Superstar – it was an original version). The play itself was quite predictable but good. The live donkey was surprising. During the Crucifixion of Christ, a wee little black beast scurried across the floor and stood in front of me.

We were seated in the front row, so the beast was about 2 feet away from me. It didn’t moved. It just watched me with it’s beady little eyes, plotting the best way to take me down. I lifted my feet, shook my hands at it and prayed it wouldn’t come closer. I sold my last house because there was a mouse in the garden. They terrify me, although not as much as birds. Birds are still the scariest thing on the planet. Mice come a very close second.

My heart was pounding loud in my ears. mice are vile creatures riddle with disease. They are not cute and cuddly as Stuart Little would have us to believe. I firmly believe they are out to take over the world. I was praying for a miracle. Then it happened.

Jesus was on the cross and lightning flashed throughout the building. It lit the little critter up and I expected it to leap my throat and go in for the kill. To my utter relief, it stayed still. Strangely still. Then I feared it was dead. The lights flashed again and to my great relief I saw that little critter in all its glorious beauty. It was not a mouse after all.

It was a beyblade. A kid from behind me thanked me for saving it. I was gracious and said “you are welcome”. The kid never knew what a coward I really was. That is a secret just for between us.