I have had a pretty good run of late.
I had a chance to speak with an old running pal this week. We hadn’t seen each other in forever and I was surprised to learn that she also sported a hearing impairment. Her’s is for different reasons and is treated differently, but it was nice to find commonality. The longer I live the more I learn that people are more alike than different. If you take a moment, you can really relate to almost anyone on some level. My runner pal was no different. What we both agreed on was either we were less dizzy and our symptoms have improved or we have become accusation to them.
My Doc says its the second one. My dizzy never really goes away, I just become accustom to making accommodations.
I haven’t given it much thought until yesterday. Late in the afternoon, a wave a nausea hit me full force. I felt terrible. It is different than the flu or pregnancy. Its more like when you are really hot and the room has no ventilation and there is an oder that just doesn’t sit right. I broke out in a sweat and felt discombobulated or floaty. I needed to sit. When I sit I tend to nap.
After I awoke, the symptoms were still quite pronounced. It’s better today, but I am still dizzy.
I sat in some self-reflection yesterday to think about the changes I am experiencing. For starters, I have put on weight. That thing that happens when I don’t run as much….or at all. I am walking, but clearly not enough or not as far. I find time a factor lately but now that the family pressures have slowed down, I am able to get out more.
Other changes I noticed is how I dress myself. Lifting my right leg is risky if I am not using something for stability. I can still stand to put on my socks but I have to rock my foot so it does not leave the floor. ITs WAY TRICKIER than it sounds. I always try to stand to put my pants on but find myself leaning or falling over. Falling isn’t my first choice. Again, letting my right foot leave the floor without support is where I find I am failing.
My single sided deafness (SSD) is working out okay for me. Enough people now are respectful of it but I also have stopped apologizing for it. I won’t talk to people who use speaker phone, because I cannot hear you. I don’t care if you like to pace or drive when you talk to me, if I cannot hear you, I cannot communicate, so … end of story. I have also stopped worrying about missing conversation. If I need to know, someone will tell me. If I don’t need to know, I can sit on the stress free side of life. And I have to tell you, being stress free in my personal life is the best feeling in the world.
I have found peace on so many levels. I have started using Haida Art as a symbolic metaphor for my Acoustic Neuroma or perhaps as guidance as a way to reconfigure everything.
Years ago I went to the Alberta Art Gallery to see the Haida exhibit. I learned there are basic shapes both positive and negative that will repeat in a design.
It is pretty symbolic for me. The same pieces of the puzzle reconfigured into different images. Much like my daily tasks. I have the same things I need to do, but the task of doing them has changed so I need to reconfigure the task to get through my day, good bad or indifferent, the structure is the same, but the configuration is different.
Looking at my life this way lets me dwell on the positive and not the negative parts of living with Acoustic Neuroma. Each stage has had different struggles but so far I can alter things to have a positive outcome. Peace is a feeling I am not willing to compromise on any more.
I have always been drawn to the calming and repetitive nature of this art form. Traveling through the Vancouver Airport finds me lingering to admire the art pieces. This last time in January it became more, it was a realization that I needed to make changes to my structures so I can move forward with my progression. It sometimes takes me a long time to find the meaning in something that makes me pause, but when I do it, I find it was well worth the wait. I may be off my game, but my game is different now.