I see Susie and Bobby and Timmy and Mary…. but never Robyn

I am invisible.

I grew up with a name that no one ever had and people often told me they hated my name…Thanks?

My mom read Angel Unaware by Dale Evens before I was born. She loved the book and named me after the baby Robin.

In the 60’s, there sure weren’t a lot of girls named Robyn. I watched Romper Room every day hopping Miss Susan would look in the mirror and see me. I would sit up close to the TV and say Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease say my name.

It never happened. Not once. Ever.

Thus began my years of hating my name.

My first Husband, whom I fondly refer to as Idiot Stick, told me he hated my name.  Nice….Jerk. But the good thing is I have met plenty of other Jerks since him so he seems normal now.

My point being….Romper Room broke my heart.

Now Coke is doing it to me.

 

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Ouch.

My Pal Tammy from over at Jibber Jabber Happenstance  is in Ireland and posted this on Facebook.

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Orla gets a coke and so does Eweline but ROBYN DOESN”T?????

How is this even fair?

I could never get a key chain, or a mug. Never was there a pencil with my name on it. Now Coke is mocking me.  Ewelina is a regular name? Nice Coke…just nice.

My life sucked enough as a kid,  because of this now I need to take matters into my own hands.

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When I was 4, I became Danger Girl. I know that speaks to my sense of self. I was not Batgirl or Spiderman, I created my OWN Super Hero Name. I was the hero in my own life. I took control and I lead my friends to adventure and mishaps. I still rock that confidence today with some minor exceptions. Girls bring me down.

I hated the girls who got the boys. HATE them. I never played into that game of whatever it is they did that made a boy’s head turn. I was that gal who talked hockey smack, smoked cigars and played double dog dare. It still hurts a bit today. I always used my sense of self to pull up my boots (wellies) don the terry towel and safety pin and have an adventure of a life time. I was Ellie from Up. The fun kid. Lonely, but fun. Perfectly fine in my imagination and preferred it because people were nice and never hurt me.

I never had that inseparable other person who was my other half. The person who gets me. Does everyone get one of those or is it just a myth?

At any rate, SCREW YOU COKE and ROMPER ROOM. I have my imaginary side kick who loves me unconditionally. Who would move mountains for me. Who likes popsicles and will play Double Dog Dare. I don’t need you to call my name.

I am Danger Girl.

Hear me Roar.

And payback is sweet.

Here is Mom’s Coke can:

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Hey Universe! Thanks for the love!

IMG_3066

IMG_3066There is a lot of crud and crappiness going on in the lives of my friends and other people who surround me.

Me included.

I have been knee deep in a pity party for two this week and before that, I was alone in pitiness. No running is hard for me and makes me cranky.
I miss the morning long run quiet through the ravine. I haven’t been alone with my thoughts for quite some time and it is beginning to show.

I am an introvert by nature. Meaning I need alone time to recharge my batteries. Introvertedness does not mean shy. I am a looooooooooong way from shy. I have enough brainy confidence to run a country – I may suck at it but who cares? I have the balls to do it.

I lack in confidence when it comes to sense of physical self. Running was fixing that. It firmed and toned and cleared the head. IT made me feel sexy and fit. Any woman knows that feeling sexy makes you sexy. I have come a long way from the massive me. Yesterday an old chum popped into the store and I hadn’t seen her for about 5 years – long before my transformation began. She couldn’t  believe how much I changed. I have changed…. A LOT! I have gone through a self depreciating time because of my lack of thinness. We all know thinness = hot and sexy right? Wrong.

WEll….. due to a pity party I was having, I was not feeling all to great about self. I think this streak began April 2011. The beginning of the darkest time in my life. Heart broken, pathetic, and depressed. This was me:

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I take a long time to heal.

I pick at a scab and examine it over and over.

Running was getting me through the bad bits. Okay….so was medication. But I was getting through it. I had reached a point where it really didn’t matter if I felt like crap because I could go for a run and feel fantastic.

I have run MAYBE 15 times all year.

One of them was the Calgary Half Marathon. It’s cool for me to run a half without a lot of training and still PR. That boosted the sense of self BIG TIME. Now I am anxious to run AND train to see how great I can do.

I am proud of my progress dammit! I have lost the size of a 16 year old girl. Imagine a 16 year old girl glued to your backside. Yep….I lost that.

I am not finished.

But I am missing the sexy mojo running brings. My girlfriends tell me I look great. The Hubs does too. But hearing it and feeling it are two different things. I have been slammed down by fake friends. These very same fake friends who feel crappy about themselves and used me to make themselves feel better. These women disgust me to my core. I am not judging them for their actions, I pity them. I am disgusted with myself for letting ME feel crappy about me so they could feel better.

It’s been a really long time since I woke up and felt great.

Well… It happened today.

I woke up.

My hair was awesome.

My skin is all soft and shiny – less wrinkles than other women my age.

My girls are perky and SMALL WOOOT!!!

I felt fab! It showed from head to toe. Rockin a smaller size jean. My toes still look great from my summer pedi, so the sandals were fab! I was smiling from the inside out.

Then it happened.

I looked down in the alley and found a Tim Card. I decided to treat myself to breakfast. I pull up to Timmy’s and order breakfast and a coffee. $5.09 was the total. I handed the gal my new card. $5.09 on the card. THANK YOU UNIVERSE! THIS MADE MY DAY!!!

It was like someone felt sorry for me and decided to treat me to a bit of kindness. I really needed it after the last few days.

Then it happened AGAIN!

I won $100 Future shop card! WOOT!

I went and bought a new keyboard for my Mac – a proper size one, not the mini one you get with the Computer. And blew the rest on iTunes cards.

I was smiling big by this time.

Then it HAPPENED AGAIN!

I got a Starbucks card from a friend who thanked me for something I did. I went and bought me and Chatterbox a coffee. The EXACT AMOUNT that was on the card.

Seriously, I know these are just ‘things’ but sometimes its the little things that can turn around a feel or even the whole day.

So here is to those fake friends who fish for information. Who hurt others while only thinking of themselves. Your life will still be sad while mine is awesome. I have just decided to turn you off.

Thank you Universe for sending some love my way!! New Day, New Life, Better Choices.

It’s all good.

 

 

 

It’s a HOT ONE

I have a little Santana playing in the background. For the record, the sexy piece of music out there. Meanwhile Edmonton is roasting hot. Feels like 40C because of humidity. Seriously? I’ll take it because I am homesick for my Hawaiian vacation. My family went off to celebrate the last of the great adventures with the kiddos ( I doubt it but it IS the last time I am footing the bill). We celebrated graduations and life progressing. Surviving difficult moments and escaped from Edmonton’s frigid weather of 30C. At Ko Olina on Oahu, temps reached +40C. It was fabulous with the trade winds blowing. I never wanted to leave, but my family dragged me kicking and screaming on the plane. I am still not speaking to them.

Everything about this vacation was charmed, from running into my brides made at the WestJet counter (resulted in being upgraded to PLUS) to being upgrade to a villa at Aulani (where we stayed on the Island).

Of course we stayed at a Disney Resort…hello – its me!

Disney has a special way with details and customer service. At night time the trees twinkle with fairy dust (a magic trick by hanging crystals in trees and focusing spotlights on them) The sidewalks light up like EPCOT, the theme music in the background is always perfect but the best thing they could contrail was this:

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Every night that was the view from the beach.

I discovered I am impervious to sunscreen. With the sun directly overhead, this alabaster Canuck found the intensity too much. That didn’t stop me from sitting on the beach – in the shade – covered in 90 spf – under a towel. yet I still looked like this:

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Most of all this trip was filled with Volcano climbing, snorkelling, and site seeing with the occasional indulgent into racing and character greetings.

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I had the chance to experience things I had not done before, like wade into the ocean. I had always feared the sea, the waves being so powerful and overwhelming. I concurred that feeling this time and wished I could full on swim. Sadly, my surgery prevented me from full submersion.

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I went waist deep…not just ankle deep.

The draw back of this vacation, and perhaps it’s just me, but I found the food terrible. I have no idea why people rave about the food, perhaps dry tasteless food is awesome for them. But I couldn’t argue with the spectacular view nor the beverages.

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The highlight for me was being there with my ohana, a close second was doing NOTHING and tell ohana to ‘take off eh’ when they would ask things of me. I was selfish and self indulgent. This was the first mom trip for me where I behaved like this. I didn’t care who ate, when they ate, what they did or whether there were entertained. I still don’t know if they had a great time because I didn’t ask. Perhaps this me letting them grow up or perhaps its me taking responsibility of my self. Either way, BEST VACATION EVER.

My Mom is a Jerk

not really…

I am just sad.

I suppose I should explain how I came to this conclusion.

My mom has always held onto the dream of living in Europe. This year, my mom and dad sold up the house, ditched all their belongings and ran away to Europe. Now I suppose it isn’t unusual for retired folk to sell their home and live in a RV and travel North America. But you see, my parents aren’t really camping people. Mom is more of a rent a flat and assimilate with the culture kind of gal. Her idea of 5 star living is packing her electric frying pan and cooking eggs in the hotel.

She loves to cook.

She hates paying someone for delicious food.

I am not jealous of my parents, in fact I am so happy for them! So much so that I have started a travel blog to record their amazing 5 year adventure. Mom sends me photos and travel entries and I post them here:

Postcards From Everywhere

Feel free to follow the journey. Their life is somewhat of a comedy adventure. It never fails that something strange and odd will happen. Their very first day – it began…but I will let you read for yourself.

As I said, I am not jealous, I am sad for me. For the past 14 years I lived less than 2 blocks away from my mom. My kids would pop by when ever they missed her (daily). They would stop by to drink milkshakes with grandpa. Eat food at grandma’s that mom wouldn’t buy at home. Use the basement as a clubhouse or hangout with all their cousins. Walking over Christmas eve with the snow falling over head, or running past in the morning and smelling coffee coming from the kitchen. Even my dog Cap loved to visit and get a super duper belly scratch from his grandpa.

I will miss all of that.

When they left last week, I cried like they died. My kids were worried about me. My son asked if I was okay? No I am not okay! My mommy just ran away!!

I can only imagine the tears when Chatterbox decides to move to Vancouver in 2 years, or boy heading off for JPL in California one  day. Just shoot me now and get it over with.

I was sad for a long while then I got this in my email:

The Brandenburg Gate

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So I sent her MY view:

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Did I mention that my mom is a jerk?

 

 

 

That day I became became my own hero

Originally posted on Me and Mo:

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I did some things in the last 30 days that really amazed me.

  1. I took over the primary spot of managing at work, although temporary, I never excepted to be in this position. I have learned more about myself in a few shorts weeks than I thought possible. University was right, I am capable of so much more than I believed. It is a wonderful feeling to have the complete faith of those around you. I never had that in a work situation before. I like it.
  2. I fitness level is at a level that I didn’t believe to be possible and STILL carry around this kind of weight. I didn’t really train for the Calgary Half Marathon. The Trusty Steed tried to talk me out of running the half. saying I need to be careful, I might injure myself, I really need to evaluate the effects of recovery….blah, blah…

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I have a dog now

True Story.

Hef the Wonder Dog

 

It has been over 20 years since I have lived with a dog. I didn’t think I could after my beloved Sparky, but a couple of years ago…I started having ‘puppy pangs’

Kinda like when your biological clock starts ticking only different, obviously.

Last night My Chatterbox and I sat over dinner and discussed dog names.

We went through the gambit…funny, we only really picked boy names.

  1. Walter
  2. Watson
  3. The Captain – Cap
  4. The Doctor – Doc
  5. Mark Messier
  6. George Clooney
  7. Weasly if it was a ginger
  8. Prince – over MY DEAD BODY
  9. Cappuccino – Cap for short
  10. Capaletti – Cap for short
  11. Stormageddon Dark Lord of All
  12. Amelia Pond if it was a female – Pond for short as in “Come along Pond”

Watson won.

The next morning I had THE TALK with the hubs and asked why he was against the idea.

Apparently his biggest fears are :

  1. It will die one day and that sucks
  2. The hubs will do all the work
  3. Where will we put it when we go on holidays

All lame.

I think the biggest fear he had was falling in love and having his heart broken.

That is the problem with dogs. They are awesome.

I texted Chatterbox this morning – she was in bed. I do this to she if she is awake. The conversation went like this:

Me: You up?

CB: No

Me: Come downstairs, we need to talk.

CB: #$@%NGJ%M! fine

Then she came down stairs.

CB: What did I do, how much trouble am I in?

(I love that she assumes she is in trouble…so proud!)

Me: we are going to the SCARS adoption event today to pick out a dog to keep.

CB: SERIOUSLY? When are we leaving?

Me: 11:30

She vanished.

 

If you know my Chattbox, then you know that she is never on time for anything. This time she was ready and waiting.

We went to the adoption event and were interviewed. I filled out an application with questions like “if your pet was sitting on the sofa and you wanted him off, what would you do?” There was a lot of ‘What if” questions.

Having aRescue Dog was important to me. I like to rescue animals and humans. This guy was likely a an outside dog that fought for his own food. He acts like he isn’t allowed inside and positions himself as Alpha around other dogs. He is confident and affectionate with humans.

When we walked into the place, I saw him across the room. He looked me in the eye and wagged his tail. He was mine.

I talked to the host and she asked us what our lifestyle is like, then she introduced us to my dog.

Fate.

The Dog picks the Family.

He was on TV earlier that morning and lots of people wanted him. They picked us. ChatterBox took him outside with the Foster Mom. She picked us too. Then she cried because

  1. She will miss him
  2. He found a good fit

We were granted a sleep-over. Apparently this rarely happens. The Foster Mom will come tomorrow to finalize the adoption process if she approves of the conditions.

His Name is Hefner. He won’t entertain the idea of Watson, but will come to Hef.

He likes to sit in my son’s spot.

This might be a problem, my kid is Sheldon and that’s his spot. There may be some Alpha stuff going on when my boy gets home from his trip.

Oh ya son, we got a dog.

Queue Epic Sound Track

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I just finished watching the new X-Men Trail and the music was inspiring. John Murphy- The Surface of the Sun.It fit for me as the new new soundtrack for my life.

I’ve been a wee bit busy doing awesome.

Or Epic…whatever.

Have a listen:

The Surface of the Sun

Are you listening? So the past…I don’t know, 4 months, I discovered that I missed University. It was such a big part of my life so I filled that part with something else. A few friends and I co-founded a new Foundation, Do away with SMA. We built a web site, started some virtual races, planned a 10k trail race through Edmonton’s River Valley (by the way, if you are in Edmonton August 17, I expect you to do one of the following: Register for the race OR volunteer for the race. I am not giving a 3rd option for family and friends. YOU HAVE TO BE THERE.)

We are pretty busy will all kids of EPIC shit… true story. DAWS has become my third child. And she needs a lot of attention. Luckily my eldest turned 18 and is a legal adult who asked me to sign a permission for for him to go on a field trip….Kid, you can vote and drink and move out. Why am I still giving permission to go to the church for a graduation retreat?

Sometimes you have to be told you are an adult because you never ever quite feel like one.

The daughter informed me she is moving to Vancouver to become a star. Then I saw her perform in her rock band… yep, I believe her.

My kids are growing up and I wanted a new kid… so I helped create DAWS.

Our mission is to help fund research to find a cure for Spinal Muscular Atrophy.  To do that, we are doing a bunch for crazy things, like running from San Francisco to Anaheim in 20 days…that is 500 miles. that is a marathon a DAY. A DAY!

However, we are doing other stuff too, like celebrating the Star Wars Fan Day, May the Fourth Be with you…because truth be told, we are a major bunch of geeks. The kind that quote movies in appropriate moments in life  – or not so appropriate… The kind that wear shirts that say “I know” or “who you calling scruffy?” (Obviously I am the Han Solo fan). We are the kind of geeks who have collections – not stamps or coins – but action figures or race medals.

(I once ended a resignation letter with “May the Force be with You”. Ya….the ex-boss didn’t appreciate it like I thought she might. For a young padawan, she had lots to learn.)

We are the kind of geeks that enter a race for the medal – the prestige of the medal – the kind of medal that says “You are such a geekdom fan!”

To celebrate that geeky side, we are hosting a May the Fourth Be with You Virtual run.

Listen to this now:

 

This is the medal:

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For those of you that are non Star Wars fans, or not as big a geek as me, this is the Rebel Alliance crest. Rebel forces worked against the Evil Empire to destroy the Death Star….and piss off Darth Vader aka Anaken Skywalker the father of Luke and Leia (sorry for the spoiler but GEEZE it was from the 70’s you should have heard by now)

When I was a kid, my brother and I played on the stairs of our home, recreating epic battle scenes from Star Wars. We had every star wars action figure known to mankind. Lucas was a marketing genius! I was only allowed to be the sand people or jawas…never cool figures like Chewy or Han. We used a kleenx box for the sand speeder and made ‘pew pew’ sounds all day long. We saw the movie 3 times and this was before vcrs and dvd players.  WE stood in line at the Paramount (a single movie theatre – not a multiplex – the line wrapped around the block. We shared a seat. It was epic.

I still make “pew pew’ sounds and have downloaded all the John Williams sound track for my epic May the Fourth Run.

 

I got side tracked…

I get like that with geeky stuff.

So this virtual run is something you do on your own or with other geeky friends. Or regular friends. It really doesn’t matter.

First you visit here: May the Fourth Be With You 

Register for the race and pay $30 on our secure e-commerece paypal site.

You run/walk/roll 5k, 10k or farther. It’s your choice. we email you an EPIC bib like this one – only yours will be personalize  and have a unique number.

This one is mine:

Robyn

Star Wars font is cool, too bad my University Profs didn’t appreciate it like I do.

When you are done, take a photo of you and your pals, just you and your bib or your watch or your running shoes….quite frankly it doesn’t matter, as long as you send us confirmation that you participated and are ready for your medal to be mailed to you!

Once you get your medal in the mail, it would be swell if you took a photo of you WITH your medal like all racers do at the finish line. Wear it proudly! Why?

1)you completed a race

2) the proceeds go to the Do Away With SMA Foundation – did you know Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) is a motor neuron disease. The motor neurons affect the voluntary muscles that are used for activities such as crawling, walking, head and neck control, and swallowing. It is a relatively common “rare disorder”: approximately 1 in 6000 babies born are affected, and about 1 in 40 people are genetic carriers.

3) it is the Jedi way.

 

If you do not want to participate, think about sponsoring me. You can find my donation page HERE.

 

 

My hair is matted and Cheetos are stuck to my face…but I have a plan

I laughed at my sister the day she received a kareokee machine for her birthday.

Not because she got a kareoke  machine, but because she knew at that moment she would never get anything done until she got over the binge use of that machine.

She laid on her sofa and demonstrated for me how she would look after weeks of use. It was as if she knew karaoke was her heroine. She leaned on the arm and feigned drool coming from her lips as she was singing Aerosmith or Show-tunes. Didn’t matter which tune it was, she had an addiction and she knew it.  I could envision dishes stacked to the ceiling and Cheetos stuck to her shirt with crusty food creased into her hip. She knew it and I knew it.

That night we sang for 8 hours. My voice was lost to every single from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. I pulled out tunes from the 60’s that I learned at the steering wheel of my Dad’s Montego MX, Jimmy Rogers and the Kingston Trio, then there was Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli and Barbara… Barbara doesn’t need a last name.

My voice was done for days afterwards. My sister? Well…she continued down that road of music addiction. Then one day it stopped.

I do not mock her or tease her about that problem she had because it could have easily have been me.

Wait…

It was me.

Since I have finished University Studies, I have been binge watching TV as if the world is about to end. Since December 3, 2013, I have found myself enjoying the delights of televisions series that challenge my interest, make me laugh in a subtle way that compliments my humour and I have been solving mysteries with finesse. Or at least that is what I tell myself after watching the show 3 times in order to figure out all the clues.

I have binged watch Sherlock, Call the Midwife, and most recent….Suits.

I come home from work, watch Suits. I wake up early to get an episode in before work, I have a day off – stay in my jambes and watch suits.

I find myself looking like Penny after she started playing on-line videos games….with Howard.

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Then as quickly as it happened, it was over.  I am caught up and the season doesn’t resume until AFTER THE OLYMPICS.  I found myself relating to Donna, coveting Jessica’s wardrobe  and having a soft spot for crazy Louis. I want to be on team LITT!  I want to wear Christian Loubatans to work and carry Prada bags. I want to have the trust and loyalty of a Harvey and I want an office dammit! I want an office with a view of Bernie Madoff’s old building. I would settle for an office with a view. Hell, at this point, I’d settle for an office.

What I do have is potential and possibility. What Suits has done for me has pointed out the people in my life who I trust and those who I need to guard myself against.

I have set new goals for 2014. I understand my vision NEVER turns out as planned. If you asked me 3 years ago if I knew I would be standing where I was, I would have laughed you out of the room. Therefore I am changing my focus. Where and what are out of the picture now. I can reach higher than that.

I really like my possibilities for 2015, besides…anything can happen.

Now…what to watch next…

3 letters no one wants to hear: DNF

Originally posted on Me and Mo:

This is the most painful post I have ever had to write.

I DNF the Donald Half Marathon and it hurts.

So why do I just not ignore it, but instead tell the world about it?

Well… I have always maintained that this forum is for me. It is a record of my achievements and failures. It keeps me accountable and provides an opportunity for growth.

I woke up half marathon morning scared. I mean TERRIFIED. it is something I have never experienced before. I realize now that anxious, nervous and apprehensive are not fear. Fear is a completely different emotion.

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I felt out of my element. I was not ready and worst of all, I was going it alone. I didn’t let myself rely on my team or friends.

I walked to the bus pick-up at my resort and boarded the bus with 70 other would be half marathon…

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