Please Welcome My New Bundle of Joy!

Never did I think I would expand my family! I had the exact right amount of children, one boy and one girl. One of each and it was good. Yesterday I was reading through my blog subscriptions (85 of them people! Luckily they don’t all write regularly!) when I was reading a blog post that broke my heart. This girl was pleading for a mommy. It’s obvious that I hate children. (I work with them for a living … by CHOICE! I spend my free time with children… by CHOICE and I was ALWAYS the favorite aunty, the one who played superhero, Lego, went to Disney movies, slept under the Christmas Tree, built forts, organized family picnics, played on swings…you get the idea. I was THE fun Aunty.) But after reading about how neglected she was I had to step up to the plate and apply for adoption.

The adoption process was surprising simple. I wrote a lovely letter, the powers in charge reviewed and screened it, I was then informed after a lengthy process that my application had been accepted! I know this comes to a shock for so many of you who figured I was done with little ones now that my babies are teens…and by the way, I said I wanted a BABY – not a 16 year old…but I digress.

Her name is Molly. She looks like a ginger in her photo but she could be blonde, either way, she is beautiful. She is a neglected American girl from New York City. We are looking at the possibility of an open adoption, as her birth mother is still quite attached – although she should have thought things through carefully with her brazen favoritism of the eldest child. I know its hard not to favor the eldest – look at me for example:

  1. I came first
  2. I am the smartest of the bunch
  3. I have the awesomest qualities
  4. I have the best sense of humor
  5. I have the best taste
  6. I do not own a star fleet uniform

Why WOULDN’T mom and dad like me best? I KNOW, right?

So I do sympathize with the birth mother and open adoption may be the right thing for everyone involved. Here is an excerpt from the post pleading for an adopted family, you can read the entire post here:

So that’s it — I am taking a stand and I am officially accepting applications for my adoption. Requirements for my future parents include (but are not limited to):

1. Frequent visits to see me
2. 24/7 phone availability
3. Weekly care packages (these can contain things like homemade cookies, interesting articles from the local town newspaper, and/or fun things from the dollar section at target)
4. Sympathy when I don’t feel well
5. A deeper and more genuine love for me than for my sister
6. Constant praise and adoration

What you will get in return:

Joy and pride for all of eternity (and I am certain that your friends will be insanely jealous at your incredible parenting skills — obviously they are amazing if you were able to produce me.)

My husband will be screening all applications. You will only be contacted if I think you are up for the job.

Thank you.

After reading the qualifications, I knew I was a perfect match, so I wrote this response and the entire acceptance blog post by clicking here:

I am officially applying for the position of adopted mother. Although I had not considered more children, your plea tugged at my heart strings. First and foremost, you are my favorite and always have been. Your sister is selfish to hog your birth parents like that. I promise I would never do that.

I have my cell beside my bed, so you can call me day or night. If I don’t answer on the first ring, I will by the third. I make the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet, just ask your new brother. I also like the idea that you are a married adult living away from home!!! This is so novel, I will want to visit you regularly, but especially for special occasions, birthdays, holidays, playoffs, NYC marathon, etc. I love to shop and spend time with my girls doing what they like, that brings joy to me. I must insist that when or if a grandchild arrives, I get to come and take care of both of you. I have my degree in early childhood education, so I am fully qualified to be baby opinionated like all great grandmas! Mostly I want a free place to stay while I’m in NYC, but would happily adopt you and welcome your husband into our family! xoxox

Love mom

PS- I miss you already 🙂

Obviously I am thrilled! Who doesn’t want a perfect daughter to share activities with while staying for FREE in New York? I know, you are jealous and you should be. I am now living the Life of Riley. I can’t WAIT to go shopping on 5th Avenue to meet her!! Van Cleef’s, Harry Winston and Tiffany Molly here I come!


4 thoughts on “Please Welcome My New Bundle of Joy!

  1. The cookies are great so long as no idiot from Australia comes along and guts down the lot of them.

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